TROUBLED MARRIAGE? BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE

   


                                   

In your quest to fix your marriage, you may encounter resistance...from your spouse!

Your spouse may dwell on the 101 reasons why "this just won't work for us" and blame you for every one. Or, your spouse may be emotionally "checked-out" of the marriage and not care about your efforts to improve the situation or be willing to extend any effort of their own.

This, by far, is the most common question people ask me: "How do I get my spouse to change?" Why would your spouse resist change in your marriage and what should you do about it?

There's a deep-seated belief in our culture that people resist change, no matter what. But is this true? Do people really want things to remain status quo? Do we really not want things to
change? If you look closely at human nature, it's not change itself we resist; it's change that's
IMPOSED UPON US.

Think about it. We have no problem with change that WE INITIATE. But when we feel forced or manipulated to change, then we resist with all our might. Your spouse may not be willing to change for the sake of your marriage right now, but that's not because your spouse doesn't want a great marriage. Everyone wants a great marriage. It's because if they're going to change, they want the change to be THEIR IDEA!

BUT, I promise you; your spouse will change when they're ready to change and not one second before. And the more you push them, urge them, nudge them, ask them, scream at them, or beg them, the LESS LIKELY they are to change. I know it's hard to wait, but you have to let it come from them.

It's possible someone could INSPIRE your spouse to change, but the person LEAST LIKELY to be the inspiration is YOU. It's sad but true. A complete stranger is more likely to get through to your spouse than you are. A chance experience or encounter is more likely to shake up your spouse than anything YOU could say.

An Ancient Quarrel Continued: The Troubled Marriage of Philosophy and Literature
Victorian Short Stories of Troubled Marriages (Dodo Press)