THINGS YOUR CHILDREN LEARN FROM WATCHING YOU

Happy Child Guide - How To Get Any Child To Listen &
Be Respectful.Why not try it out?


The truth is that, we shouldn’t worry that our children never listen to us. Instead, we should worry that they are always watching us. It is true. When we tell our kids to pick up their toys, they don’t listen. We raise our voices, and they still ignore us. Then, we become irate and yell, and they have a temper tantrum or break down into a fit of tears. But not before they have taken careful note of our actions.

Infact every time we tell our to do something, we are teaching them a lesson. We are telling them to do one thing, but really showing them how to do something else. When we yell at them in anger, we are showing how to get someone to listen to us. When we throw toys into the toy box or kick toys out of the way as we point our fingers, we are showing them how to display their anger.

Think about when you are driving your kids to school in the morning. A hurried driver cuts you off and you swerve to avoid getting side swiped. “Moron!” you yell, as you correct the wheel. You shrug it off and silently thank God that nothing happened.

Your kids in the back saw what happened. In these situations, we rarely explain to our kids that the other driver made a mistake by changing lanes without signalling or by turning right just as we crossed a green light. Instead, we show them how to handle such situation: curse and complain.


Parenting From the Inside Out
The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries (Child Development)

How many times have you told your kids to change their clothes, brush their teeth, do their homework, tidy up their rooms, or anything else for that matter? There is really no right answer because there is really no limit to the number of times we have to ask our kids to do something.

For most of us, this is a normal part of our daily lives. We ask, and ask, and ask, and if we are lucky, our kids cooperate after the fourth request or after a loud but otherwise harmless scolding.

We complain that our kids never listen to us: we ask other mums how they get their kids to behave, eat their meals or go to sleep. We consult books at all hours on better childrearing and discipline and other parenting techniques. And still, our kids just don’t listen.

But, they do observe. While we are yelling at them, they are watching us; while we argue with each other, they are watching; while we mutter curses under our breath at raging drivers, they are watching; while we chat with our friends on the phone, they are watching us.

If you have toddlers, you must have been seeing these already. You see them carrying on animated conversations their battery operated toy cell phones. They pace around the house with their heads cocked, their little shoulder straining to hold up the fake phone with the blinking lights.

Our kids are watching our every move, even when they don’t listen to one word.

Parenting From the Inside Out
The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries (Child Development)
1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12

Know Yourself Before You Get Marry

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Getting Married

Most people that get married actually didn’t know themselves before getting married. It might sound strange, but it is really true. Before you say, ‘that can be true’, answer the following questions honestly. What are your weaknesses? Your strength? Your passion? Etc. See what I mean?

Before setting out the journey to marital live, you need to honestly ask yourself these questions and answer them without any sentiment. Being able to answer these questions will help any individual to be able to know his/her values. These values are eternal and internal, they are timeless, essential and are enduring tenets that define who we are and how we manage issues as it affects us. Therefore, the road to marriage success starts we need know ourselves. We need to know the following : Our weakness, our strength, our skill, our likes, our dislikes, our passions.

Our weakness. These can bring us down and bring conflicts, problems, misunderstanding, and eventually, divorce to our marriage. It will bring us to fail. Identifying our weakness means that 50% of the battle towards marriage success is won- the easy 50%. Now we need to compensate for these weaknesses and this is the other 50%- the hard part. You need to think (be objective), plan and execute your plan, the key is discipline; what are your personal weakness.

Our strength. These are our skills, those things that we are good at. They the things that we do very well, flawlessly. It is perhaps the distinguishing factor that differentiate a good spouse (who has solution to most problems, manage situations very well without allowing it to degenerate).

Our Skill. With skill comes strength, when these two are honed together will distinguish our marriage. It is God given tool for progress. Identify them, work on them and leverage them. The key again is discipline.

Our Passion. This is a strong powerful, compelling emotion; it enables us to go beyond the normal regular call in our marriage. Passion is the secret to identifying and leveraging our strength and skill.

Our Vision. This is a mental picture of what we want in our marriage, how we want our home and marital life to be. The problem is, we don’t marriage as an institution that we need to set goals for, just like in our career. There is need for a statement of purpose detailing the course we want our married life to take.

Never underestimate the power of GOAL setting. Goals provide a clear target and are measurable. List the goals you hope to achieve in your marriage right before you get married. A little stretch might be needed to be able to achieve them. Success in your marriage (or in any endeavor) demand more from an individual than most people are willing to offer, but not more than they are capable of offering.

Take RESPONSIBILITY- it is your marriage. Accept personal responsibility for your own vision and goals for your marriage, no one can do it for you (not even your spouse).

GOOD RELATIONSHIP: CONVERSATION CAN HELP

Why Can't You Read My Mind? Overcoming the 9 Toxic Thought Patterns that Get in the Way of a Loving Relationship
Now You're Speaking My Language: Honest Communication and Deeper Intimacy for a Stronger Marriage

A single conversation across the table with your partner on things that will benefit your relationship is worth more than a month’s study of books, articles or even expert advises on how to better your relationship.

Many people complain, ”My partner never talks to me”. The fault may be theirs. However, many times their partners want to talk with them, but they don’t make it easy for them. In what way?, you may want to ask.

As a woman in a relationship, ask yourself whether you fit any one of these descriptions:

First, a woman who interrupts her husband. For example, her partner wanting to tell her how his day went, starts, ‘honey you’ll never guess what happened at work……..’ He never gets any further, she interrupts him with, “how did you get that spot on your coat?”

Or perhaps, they are conversing with friends and he is relating an experience, but leaves out some of the details or doesn’t get them all exactly right. His partner puts in, first to correct the flaws, and then round up the story. Before long he takes a deep breath and says, “why don’t you tell it.”

Second. A woman who encourages her partner to talk. Trying to appear casual, but bursting with curiosity, she asks: ‘where were you?’ ‘who was there?’ Not the routine things of life, but those that seems to be confidential, are the ones that intrigues her. Perhaps some of it is information that are partner should not have divulged. Where she keeps such information to herself, not telling any other person, her partner will feel free about talking to her, all the time. She pieces together, the bits of information about her partner and use it for the betterment of their relationship.

Third. A woman who is not much of a talker herself. She knows how to do the necessary work around the house. But she seldom has more than a few words to say. Anyone who tries to converse with her has to do all the talking. Efforts at conversation with her fall flat. But changes can be made. The art of conversation can be learned. If a woman does worthwhile reading and kind deeds for other people, she will have up building things to share with her mate. Successful conversation requires sharing. It also requires respect- enough respect to let him finish, say it his own way, and to know when there is a confidence to be kept.

Therefore, instead of complaining that your partner seldom talks to you, why not try to make it a pleasure for him to do so? Be interested in the things that he does. Listen intently when he speaks. Let your response reflect the warm love and deep respect that you have for him. Be sure that the things you talk about are of a positive, up building nature. You may soon find that conversation is a pleasure to both of you.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

How could everything change so dramatically?

I came across this quote today and wanted to share it with you. I think you'll find that it relates to your marital situation.

"The difficultly with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but we must live with a character."
- Peter Devries

We can only appreciate the profundity of this statement if we understand what is meant by CHARACTER."Personality" is easy to understand. Your "personality" is how people experience you. It's
your public persona. But what is "character?" And why is "character" so crucial in your marriage?Character is who you are when no one is watching.Let me say that again so you can read it slowly and really digest it this time. Character is who you are when no one is watching.

You see, when you and your spouse met, you met each other's PERSONALITIES. You showed your spouse and you were shown by your spouse your public personas. I'm not saying you tricked each other. It's just your personality; how you display yourself to others.

But marriage lasts too long in too close quarters for anyone to sustain a public persona. Personalities eventually give way to an INNER SELF that gets revealed for the first time. And  there you each stand, naked as if no one is watching. But someone is watching. And that's when you meet for the first time...again!

You and your spouse don't meet the person who charmed each other's friends, bought gifts for each other's parents, and always smiled from ear to ear. No, this time it's a meeting of your CHARACTERS.

In many cases, it's not only that you're meeting each other for the first time, but it's that you're meeting YOURSELVES for the first time. Most people wouldn't be caught dead treating anyone the way they treat their spouse. Most people don't recognize their own behavior. "I'm just not myself with him/her." Well then who is that person? ABU, that's YOU...it's your character. (And your spouse meets their character.)

The reason so many people fail at marriage and an attempt at marriage renewal is NOT that they don't like their spouse. It's that they don't like THEMSELVES. And while everyone else in their life is like a mirror reflecting their personality; their spouse is a mirror reflecting their character. And most people don't like what they see.Many people would rather choose to be with someone else than remain with their spouse and have to continue to be with themselves. (Did you get that?)

Balthasar Gracian wrote in his 17th century manual on success, The Art of Worldly Wisdom, as
follows: "You are as much a real person as you are deep. As with the depths of a diamond, the
interior is twice as important as the surface. There are people who are all facade, like a house left unfinished when the funds run out. They have the entrance of a palace but the inner rooms of a
cottage."

Marriage renewal and individual character development go hand-in-hand.Find out "What to do when one spouse is depressed" in just a couple of days. I am writing that article after this. So, do check back.

Many people who did the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp told me that it not only restored their marriage, but it was a personal fixing for them too. And, in fact, I think one of the unique aspects of the boot camp is that a person experiences personal growth within the context of renewing their marriage. If you'd like to do the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp, click on the link below:

http://www.MortFertel.com/cmd.asp?af=1080467 

MARRIAGE IS FOR GROWNUPS a Mature Approach to problems in Marriage

WHAT MAKES YOUR SPOUSE TICK?

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Marriage cannot be happy or successful unless each partner tries to understand what makes the other partner tick. The questions are:
• Why does a spouse do things the way the spouse does?
• Why does the spouse think in a certain way?

There are a lot of differences between you and your spouse: family up-bringing, social group,; if not from the same country, there is bound to be differences in taste, culture, dressing, food, etc.

The couple must learn to meet each other’s marital needs that create the feelings of love. The male must learn to meet the five basic needs of his spouse, namely:
1. Affection.
2. Conversation.
3. Honesty and openness
4. Financial support.
5. Family commitment.

The female must learn to meet the five basic needs of her spouse:
1. Sexual fulfilment.
2. Recreational companionship.
3. An attractive look.
4. Domestic support.
5. Admiration.

It cannot be overemphasised that two people (it does not matter whether they grew up in the same suburb, town, city, or country) must have some things in common. To have a good and happy home, both must be prepared to change and adapt to the spouse. “This is the way we used to do our home, town, city or country”, will not bring happiness.

The good news is, you can learn to change, because:
• You are never too old to learn.
• You can adapt to different circumstances.

Focus on the changes you need to make, not on how your spouse needs to change.

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WHY SOME SINGLES DOUBLE DATE

Many singles go into different relationships at the same time due to reasons known to them. Though many men would accuse ladies of being greedy and out for self-aggrandisement, these ladies also have reasons. Even the guys too are not left out.

The question is: Anything wrong about double dating?

The answer is relative. Relative because people take actions due to what they believe is good for them. Some ladies would say they double date to safe-guard their emotions against eventualities, others do it for fun and to create excitements in their life.

Is your marriage in trouble? Author of Marriage Fitness featured on national TV tells you how to turn your marriage around.

A whole lot of others get involved unintentionally and are stuck, while a large number are just greedy. The best approach to any affair is to check your happiness gauge. If you are still happy dating someone, you stick on.

Ironically, some singles are happy with more than a partner, so they stick to all of them till the problem of choice arrives.

I will not go against double dating, but this I know: When you are in love, you give your all and you don’t cheat on who you love.

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Approaching Women and Starting Conversations: How to Overcome Your Fear and Shyness, Approach Women in Any Situation, and Start Conversations That Create Attraction (Double Your Dating Series)

BETWEEN MARRIAGE ANALYSIS AND PARALYSIS

Sex, Love, and Romance in the Mass Media: Analysis and Criticism of Unrealistic Portrayals and Their Influence
Analysis of Marriage Values

Do you think a lot about your marriage? Is that an understatement? Is OBSESS more like it? If you have marriage problems, you probably spend a lot of time and energy THINKING about your circumstances. You've probably analyzed your spouse, your marriage, and what happened to your relationship from every possible angle. And the chances are good that others have weighed-in on your situation too. Have you discussed your problems with a friend, a family member, or a counselor? An astute analysis of your relationship can be helpful. It sometimes leads to problem-solving ideas that work.

Talking about your situation can be helpful too. Most people find it therapeutic. But sometimes the problem with thinking and talking about your marriage so much is that it becomes a substitute for DOING SOMETHING. Analyzing your marriage can be productive, but if you want change, there's nothing like taking ACTION.

The great philosopher Socrates said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." This is very true. But the unlived life is not worth examining! THOUGHT and ACTION are like husband and wife. If you're missing one, you can't have a marriage. Rigorous thinking gives rise to intelligent action. And action gives critical feedback for further thought. Ultimately, it's the combination of the two that leads to clarity and a changed marriage.

Love is articulated in the vocabulary of ACTION. New thoughts and new words are useful when they inspire you to DEMONSTRATE new behavior. Think differently about your marriage and act in a way that will create demonstrative change in your relationship.

10 Signs He’s Not The Right Guy (Part 2)

6.     You can’t really imagine him as the father of your children. Ask yourself: would he make a great parent? Is he financially responsible? Would he be an equal partner in your future together? If you have doubts, he’s probably not the one.

7.     Your log-term, non-negotiable goals in life are incompatible. You want kids; he doesn’t. You go to church every week; he is an atheist. He lives in the country and doesn’t want to move; you can’t imagine ever leaving the city. Superficial differences can be overcome, but differences in basic values are harder to smooth over. Ask yourself: “Would I be willing to compromise on this?” If the answer is absolutely not, you may not be right for each other.

8.     You don’t respect each other. He puts you down in front of your friends and complains about you to his parents. You roll your eyes when he talks because there’s just something about him that embarrasses you. A relationship without respect can’t sustain itself.

9.     You’re not attracted to him. Physical intimacy is a hugely important component of a romantic relationship. If he doesn’t do it for you, he’s probably not your best long term match.

10.     On paper he seems great, but you have this strange feeling....Don’t ignore your gut. You may get along on a superficial level, but if your instincts are telling you he’s not the one for you, listen. That little voice inside your head does not lie.

10 Signs He’s Not The Right Guy (Part 1)

Is your marriage in trouble? Author of Marriage Fitness featured on national TV tells you how to turn your marriage around.

Some people who are in relationship cannot make ‘head or tail’ of the direction the relationship is heading. And the reason, they are not sure whether they are dating the right guy. Some people say they just knew that they were dating their future spouse. But what about the rest of us? What happens when you are not sure if he’s the right guy?

If you are considering long-term commitment or marriage, it’s time to ask yourself some tough questions. Below, are ten signs that may indicate he’s not for you....

1. You have a list of things he needs to stop doing/wearing/saying/ if he wants your relationship to work. If you are fixating on his flaws, he’s either not the one you want or you’re not ready for a serious relationship. Cutting him loose allows you time to grow and gives you the opportunity to meet a guy whose flaws you can embrace- or at least accept.

2. You don’t trust him. A small dose of jealousy can be healthy, but if you’re hacking into his email account, and going berserk when he goes out without you, something is wrong. If there is something about him that truly warrants your distrust, then perhaps he’s not the right one for you.

3. You avoid conflict at any cost. Fighting is healthy for your relationship. And, when done right (in the non-accusatory, rational sort of way), it can be a great way to air grievances, fix problems in your relationship, and come to deeper understanding of each other. Ignoring problems is not the same as having no problems at all....even if it looks that way.

4. When you’re sad, you don’t turn to him for comfort. When you are a giant ball of tears and snot, do you lock yourself into the bathroom so he can’t see you at your worst? If you’re worried about scaring him away, one of you isn’t ready for total commitment. Mr Right should make you smile through your tears and be a calming, not stressful, presence.

5. One of you is struggling with an addiction. He’s sweet. He’s exciting. He loves you very much. But he loves his alcohol habit or his weekly gambling fix more. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you can change him or that your relationship will be strong enough to withstand the heartache that addiction will inevitably bring. An addict may be able to change, but he’ll do so on his own terms.

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How To Unstuck Your Marriage

Do you think a lot about your marriage? Is that an understatement? Is OBSESS more like it? If you have marriage problems, you probably spend a lot of time and energy THINKING about your circumstances. You've probably analyzed your spouse, your marriage, and what happened to your relationship from every possible angle. And the chances are good that others have weighed-in on your situation too. Have you discussed your problems with a friend, a family member, or a counselor? An astute analysis of your relationship can be helpful. It sometimes leads to problem-solving ideas that work.

Talking about your situation can be helpful too. Most people find it therapeutic. But sometimes the problem with thinking and talking about your marriage so much is that it becomes a substitute for DOING SOMETHING. Analyzing your marriage can be productive, but if you want change, there's nothing like taking ACTION.

I once did a series of private phone sessions for someone who had been in therapy for over a year. In our first session, I asked what changes she and her husband implemented since beginning therapy. She said, "Well, no real changes. But I understand our problems much better." I call that "analysis paralysis."

The great philosopher Socrates said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." This is very true. But the unlived life is not worth examining! THOUGHT and ACTION are like husband and wife. If you're missing one, you can't have a marriage. Rigorous thinking gives rise to intelligent action. And action gives critical feedback for further thought. Ultimately, it's the combination of the two that leads to clarity and a changed marriage.

Love is articulated in the vocabulary of ACTION. New thoughts and new words are useful when they inspire you to DEMONSTRATE new behavior. If you're ready to think differently about your marriage and act in a way that will create demonstrative change in your relationship, register for the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp. It's a 7-week program. Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp will provoke a whole new way of THINKING about your marriage, AND, it will inspire you and guide you to new ACTIONS that will transform your relationship.

Is your marriage in trouble? Get FREE advice. And get a FREE marriage assessment. No strings attached.

If you and your spouse are ready to work on your marriage TOGETHER, then register for the Duo Track. Otherwise, you want the Lone Ranger Track, where you'll learn how to inspire your spouse to join you in an effort to renew your marriage. For more info about either the Duo Track or the Lone Ranger Track, Is your marriage in trouble? Author of Marriage Fitness featured on national TV tells you how to turn your marriage around."

Are you concerned about the cost of flights and transportation? Don't worry about it. This is a TELE experience. You do the entire program from the comfort of your home (or office). All you need is a telephone and a CD player. For details about how this works, click here.

If you can't wait until the next boot camp begins or if you don't have 7 weeks to turn things around, then order... MARRIAGE FITNESS HOME-FLEX A 9-Phase interactive multi-sensory relationship-changing self-guided system that gives you everything you need to transform your marriage. And the best news is . . . you get it all tomorrow! For more Is your marriage in trouble? Get FREE advice. And get a FREE marriage assessment. No strings attached.">information or to order.

If you need help with your marriage, at the very least get yourself the MARRIAGE FITNESS AUDIO LEARNING PROGRAM. It's a 5 CD starter/budget program that you'll find to be an invaluable guide to renewing your marriage. For more info or to order.

If you want to make sure you get future emails from me, take a moment to add dr.aphys.fade@gmail.com to your email address book. That way the email won't get blocked by those crazy spam filters.

Lastly, and I mean this, if you need marriage help but prefer to seek it elsewhere, feel free to ask me and I'd be happy to refer you to other competent sources. This is not about me. It's about YOUR MARRIAGE. And if you're reading this, the chances are very good that you need some external guidance. It's EXTREMEMLY RARE for a couple to successfully work through their marital problems by themselves. You need help! Take ACTION to get it. If you want me to help you, visit:

http://www.MortFertel.com/cmd.asp?af=1080467

If I can refer you to someone else, let me know.

Wishing you well,

Dr. Aphys Fade

Selfish vs. selfless: if you're stuck between trying to get what you want & feeling pressure to let others get what they want, it's time to learn the art ... An article from: Scholastic Choices

Husband Needs An Attractive Wife

Being attractive is not something you are born with. It is something that you learn. It is what you do with what you have. It comes from the inside to the outside. It includes neat hair, make-up, and nice clothes.

All women must learn how to look good.

Weight control is also important, don’t be overly concerned about this and go to extremes. Looking good makes both of you feel good about yourselves and feel good about each other. People judge our ability and the success of our husbands based on how we look. It says our husband has talent and appeal, that he deserves someone of our calibre.

Visual stimulation draws a physical touch. Let your husband help you pick out your nighties, lingerie, and your other dresses. You can look attractive, but not expensive. Shop wisely, stay within your budget. If you are good steward, God will bless your efforts.

Ask your husband what colours he prefers on you, the type of hairstyle he likes, what make-up he likes etc.

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