Fighting Is Good For Your Marriage

Cast your mind back to your wedding day. 'Are you there?' Now, if anybody asked you that day about what could cause problem in your marriage, you would have looked into such a person's eyes and say, 'nothing, I have a loving, understanding and adorable spouse'. If you are asked further to give it an outside chance of something going wrong. You would have said, 'conflicts'.

What do you think? Even now, if you had to mention ONE THING that best predicts whether or not your marriage will succeed, what would you say? You might say "conflict." Of course, if you have a lot of disagreements and fights then, that's not a good sign, right? No. Actually you are wrong, very wrong.

Would you believe that it's the opposite?! That's right; research shows that the number one predictor of divorce is the habitual AVOIDANCE of conflict. This means that, couples who does not fight is at the greatest risk to divorce.

A time, couples avoid having disagreements by not talking about things that ordinarily they should talk about. They do this because anytime they argue or try to talk about issues that are negatively affecting their marriage, they fight. Isn't it ironic? We try to avoid conflict with our spouse for the benefit of our relationship. But there's nothing more damaging to your

marriage than NOT fighting.

Fighting does not mean that you hate your spouse. In actual fact, hate is closer to love. For you to hate somebody, you have to first care about them. You cannot people who have no meaning to your life. Do you hate your mechanic, mailman, and the sales rep who try to sell you things you have no use for? No, you never hate them because you don't care about them. Apathy is the opposite of love.

But the closer you are to someone the more likely it is that you step on each other's toes. Hate is actually a sign of hope. It means you care. It means you're close. Apathy, on the other hand, is a cause for great concern.

Now, just a minute, I'm not saying that you should go and pick a fight with your spouse. You don't need to fight to have a good and successful marriage. I am not saying that fighting is healthy. I said people in healthy marriages fight. In other words, the fact that you fight is a sign that deep down inside you really love each other, that your relationship has potential. But if you want to be happily married, you have to learn to fight WELL.

Couples in successful marriages know how to discuss their differences. This is not something that comes naturally to anyone; it's a learned skill. And once you learn it, all the energy that goes into your fights propels your relationship forward.

Couples in successful marriages have areas of disagreement. No two people are perfectly compatible. There will be some differences. These differences when expressed need to be discussed (discussing it might mean fighting) and these allow spouses to know more about each other. Adjusting to them is the root of successful marriages."Irreconcilable differences" are like a bad knee or a chronic back.They're part of every good marriage.

The key to succeeding in marriage is not finding the right person; it's learning to fight well with the person you found. You'll have "irreconcilable differences" with anyone you pick. The question is whether or not you can learn to discuss them.