Is Your Marriage Problems just Starting? Or Has It Been There All Along

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Is your marriage in trouble? Author of Marriage Fitness featured on national TV tells you how to turn your marriage around.

Many at times when couples have problems in their marriage (whether soon after their marriage or long after their marriage), they look at it as a very dramatic change in their spouse and wonder why things could change so dramatically.

No doubt, there are bound to be problems in marriage. Problems are meant to provide opportunities for couples to sit, talk and resolve issues that threaten the happiness in their marital life. They also provide avenues for them to know more about each other and to make their marriage better and stronger.

Where a particular problem defy every solution that a spouse try, or couples could not actually reach agreement on the best way to resolve that conflict, it may lead to instability in the family. It is common for a spouse or couples to feel that a persistent problem in their marriage is recent, that is, it is just starting.

I know that most of these problems are recent or are reactions to things happening around couples (whether internal or external), a number of them however might have been there for quite a while. There are some problems that couples failed to address while they are dating, such problem may come back to haunt them when they get marry.

Take the case of a man who beats his wife regularly. You will agree with me that, it is pretty difficult for a man to start such a bad habit all of a sudden. Wife beating is not a habit a man picks up easily. Of course, if the problem has been there before they got married- unresolved, then, it will be easier for the same man to go back to that habit.

Another example is the case of a jealous partner. When your partner monitors your movements, read your e-mails, sms, phone calls, and the company you keep, the parties you attend etc, such things if not resolved might cause serious problems when they get married.

An unappreciative partner, a partner that does not have a mind of his/her own, a bullying partner, an unsatisfiable partner, drunkenness, flirting, stealing, bullying etc, are some of the many examples which might cause trouble for spouses who failed to address these issues before they get married (That is , if they notice any of them in their spouse).

The purpose of courting (especially long ones), is for the partners to know each other (character, behavior, interest, habits, likes, dislikes, favorites etc). This is very important because success in doing it means success in their marriages.

When issues like the ones mentioned above happens during courtship, partner should learn to address it decisively. They should not pretend that it is minor (when they are actually major), or instead hope that things will change when they get married.

Sometimes, solving some of these issues might involve counseling, therapy, or treatment. Failure to deal with it can spell doom for couples. Leaving them or sweeping them under the carpet and hoping for a miracle that will change your spouse is asking for troubles. So deal with them before your marriage and make sure your partner is healed, then get marry after. 

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