When Problem In Other Areas In The Home Lead To Marital Problem.

It is often common for couples to blame one another for the problems they are having in their home. One of the spouses may fail to understand the needs of the other spouse, thereby leading to dire consequences in the home. At other time, one partner may be selfish such that the partner only thinks of himself or herself. Such selfish interest can only led to problems in the home.

At the beginning, couples may enjoy each other’s company. They may start out deeply in love with each other, staying up all night talking, surprising each other with thoughtful gifts, and speaking to each other in code words. You know the feeling of really being connected with each other?

But then something might happen that destroys this feeling (i.e. being connected), it most will destroy most marriages. Something so tragic.  Tragic events, like the loss of a child, loss of source of income. Think about it. It could be anything that is really not the fault of your spouse, but tragic. These things can lead to couples losing each other. At other time, you might not easily place your finger on it, but something is definitely not right.

When such situation occurs, couples can’t blame each other because what happened was an “Act of God”. So, Instead of talking all night, it will be a chore to talk for a few minutes. Instead of using the usual code words, they probably will use curse words. Their relationship will consist of screaming matches and silent treatments.

But somewhere deep in their hearts though, they wouldn't want to lose each other. But once they lose each other, it will become very difficult for them to reconnect with each other again. No matter the type of solution they may seek, it might not work (conflict resolution, reading books, counseling). Even sitting down to talk about things (that is, trying to convince each other that what happened was nobody’s fault).

So, what is the way out of this type of problem? The key is NOT to fix what's wrong. You cannot. The key is to make new things right. And there are, in fact, specific things you can
do, with or without your spouse, to make things right in your marriage. PUT ASIDE YOUR PROBLEM. You must learn how to temporarily put aside the problems and issues that are weighing you down and making it impossible for you to establish a new momentum in your marriage.

Decide to SET ASIDE YOUR PROBLEMS. Don’t talk about them, yeah not at all. Don't bring them up even once. Instead, put your energy into trying to connect.  Start by establishing new relationship habits that will bring positive energy into your relationship. This will not only help to resolve your differences, but also make you to fall in love again! And it can be done by not dealing with your problems (as serious as they were), but by establishing new relationship habits. In fact, the solution to most marital problems or situations is for couples to step away from their problems and spend their time and energy on new things.

But before you deal with your problems, you first have to build good will with your spouse. And this is doable even in the most difficult marital situations. If your marriage is stressed, do
NOT tackle your problems. Stop talking about the problem, the attention you're not getting, or whatever. If your timing is off, trying to solve your problems will damage your marriage and make it LESS LIKELY that you'll ever find resolution.

So, couples out there, it is not all the problems in marriages that are due to a fault of your spouse. Some are actually an “Act Of God”. And don’t even waste your efforts blaming yourself or somebody else for them. These problems outside the home can cause serious problems in your marriage.