Any time I hear people say, “I can change my wife” or “husband” as the case may be, I can’t help thinking whether they actually can or need to. Let ask this question, “With whom are you in love?” With the person as he or she is, or as the person will be after your remodelling efforts? It is difficult to change ourselves, much more so to change others.
Be very skeptical of a prospective spouse’s promise to make a sudden change for you! Though bad habits can be corrected or modified, this may take time, even years. Nor can we ignore the fact that inherited traits and environmental factors have given us temperaments and molded us in certain ways to make us distinct individuals.
True love can move us to help one another to improve on weaknesses, but it will not move us to try to force a spouse into a new and unnatural mold that crushes his or her personality. Some have in their minds an image of their ideal, and they try to fit every passing infatuation of theirs into this image.
Of course, no one can measure up to an impossible dream, but the infatuated one hangs on tenaciously and tries to force the other person to fulfill their dream. When this fails, he or she is disillusioned and searches elsewhere to find the imaginary ideal. They seek a dream person that does not exist beyond their own fantasies. People who think like this are not good marriage material.
You may perhaps have had such dreams. Most of us have at certain times in our lives; many young people do. But with increased emotional maturity, we realize that such fantasies must be put aside as impractical. In marriage, what counts is reality, not mere imagination.
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