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Fix Your Marriage

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Don’t Be Deceived, There Are No Quick Fix To Your Marriage Problems

Still Friends: Living Happily Ever After...Even If Your Marriage Falls Apart
How To Find Help for Marriage Problems
What to Say or Do If Your Child...: A Parent's Quick Reference for Handling Common Behavior Problems

People share with me their relationship stories that took years to unfold in a couple of short paragraphs. And then end with, "What should I do?" In most cases, it took years for their marriage to give birth to this question and the cause of their circumstances lies in the roots of their marital and personal scripting.

Nonetheless, they want an answer.

And you thought you had a tough job!

In this era of high-speed internet, it's quite common for people to want to "microwave" their marriage to renewal. That will never work. When it comes to THINGS, you can be efficient. When it comes to relationships, there are no short cuts. It takes time.

Ironically, the search for a quick answer to your marital situation delays the process you will eventually have to go through. When it comes to your marriage, slow is fast and fast is slow. In other words, if you try to go too fast and skip-over the necessary steps, you'll slow down the whole process. But if you go slow and rebuild your marriage one step at a time...that's the fastest way.

I know you have questions. Good questions. Deep questions. But give those questions the respect they deserve. Give yourself the time and resources it takes to formulate lasting answers. Don't waste your time looking for a quick fix. It's the slow road to repairing your marriage.

I will like to recommend to you, the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp, which takes you step-by-step through the process of renewing your marriage. The answer to the various questions is not an email; it's a course! It's the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp. That's the answer.
Get help for your marriage, attend the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp today!

Monday, September 20, 2010

GIFTS THAT CAN TRANSFORM YOUR MARRIAGE

Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage: America's Love Lab Experts Share Their Strategies for Strengthening Your Relationship
From Anger to Intimacy: How Forgiveness Can Transform Your Marriage
Why Talking Is Not Enough: Eight Loving Actions That Will Transform Your Marriage

You have some changes you'd like to see in your spouse and your marriage, right? And if I were a betting man, I'd bet that your spouse has some ideas too! So what are you waiting for? Are you waiting:
• For your spouse to make the first move?
• For your spouse to be more open to it?
• To feel love?

What most people should know is that, the feeling of love comes before we express love. And in the beginning of a relationship, that's what happens. You fall in love and then you do acts of love. Your feelings inspire your actions.

But mature love asks more of you. To create a strong lasting marriage, you first choose loving actions. Your feelings will follow. After all, you don't jog two miles or skip dessert because you feel healthy. You feel healthy because you jogged two miles and skipped dessert. So too, when it comes to your marriage, your actions dictates your feelings!

Go back in time, when you fell in love, it was easy to give to your spouse, and you probably
enjoyed thinking up new ways to express how you felt through your giving. Remember surprising your spouse with something you knew they wanted? Remember?

Within the next 48 hours, give your spouse a gift. Now here's the key. It can't be just any gift. Your spouse has to feel YOU in it. You see, the most important part of a present is that it embodies the presence of the one who gave it to you. This is not a matter of money. This takes time, thought, and energy.

What gift would tickle the soul of your spouse?
What could you buy or make for your spouse that?
Would show how much of YOU went into the gift?

Don't just buy anything. Make sure it's your spouse's favorite color, made in their hometown,
or something they mentioned last week. Stick with this for a minute, like I said before, this takes some deep thought, but I promise that if you make a habit of this kind of giving it will transform your marriage.

What could you give your spouse that would make them glow and look at you with intense
appreciation? Suggestions might be; did they recently mention they wanted something? What's your spouse's favorite dessert? Favorite flower? Favorite sports team (tickets to a game)? Favorite author (new book)? Favorite musician (CD or tickets)?

Inside your spouse is a child that wants to be understood. If your spouse is like most people,
he/she does NOT feel understood even by you. When you get the right gift for your spouse, they will feel understood, and connected to you, the giver. When you give someone a gift that says, "I know you, I understand you," you can "melt" them.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

STOP EMAILING YOUR SPOUSE

Are you trying to get heard? Do you feel ignored? Is your spouse not responding to your communication? We live in an interesting time. With one click, you can communicate with anyone in the world. It's easy, quick, and free. You even have options. If you don't want to click, you could dial, beep, page, instant-message, or Fed Ex.


You know what's killing marriages these days? Email! More and more I'm seeing husbands and wives resort to email to communicate with each other. You want to do something tangible today to improve your marriage? Stop emailing your spouse! Email is for information. But in a marriage you've got to HEAR each other. And I don't mean hear the sounds of each other's words. You've got to be able to hear the silence between the sounds and interpret the unspoken meaning of pressed lips or teary eyes. You've got to be able to hear the shapes and sounds in each other's heart. You can NOT accomplish this via email.


It's true. Your ability to communicate with the outside world has become increasingly easy. But my guess is that your ability to communicate with your spouse has become increasingly difficult. 


The reason for this is that most people confuse information communication with personal communication. Technological advancements give us all sorts of options to communicate information. But how do you feel the pulse of someone's soul? How do you communicate the subtleties in your heart? You can't text message that. You can have the latest and greatest in communication gadgets, but it won't matter. Personal communication is a whole different ball game. And it's personal communication that determines the success or failure of your marriage.


I want to be clear about something; you can't do it with communication techniques either. There's no clinical communication therapy that can help you and your spouse think each other's thoughts, feel each other joy, and cringe from each other's pain. The world is filled with casualties of traditional communication strategies. If you're like most people with marriage trouble, you've been down that path and you know that it does NOT work.


Creating love in your marriage paves the way for effective communication. I'll prove it to you. Think about when you fell in love. How was your communication? Good, right? In fact, when you're in love, you communicate with the wink of an eye and you can finish each other's sentences. And yet you haven't known each other that long and you haven't learned any communication techniques.


Listen carefully. Communication has very little to do with techniques or knowledge of each other. It has everything to do with the depth of connection between the communicators. The question you should be asking is NOT, "How do I communicate effectively with my spouse." The question you should be asking is, "How do I connect with my spouse again?" Once you reconnect, you won't be sitting in silence in the basement. You'll hear the sound of the pipes from above. It'll be your spouse. You were heard.  




 

 

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Salvage Your Relationship Before it Ends


Understanding - Understand that happiness comes within. If you are one of those people that says "my partner doesn't make me happy", maybe you should consider for a moment why you thought they would? True happiness comes from within yourself, and unless your partner is a true horror of humanity, a thoroughly unpleasant person, chances are the only reason you are unhappy is because of something inside yourself, some unfulfilled potential or hidden dream. Insecurities can also haunt a person and rob them of any chance of happiness.

Work as a Team. Unify as one. - Unify your home. Talk over how you picture your home in your mind. It's important to agree on this, as if you both aspire to making the home a different way, it's going to cause long term conflict. The typical example is the man wanting his home to look like his home, with his things where he can get at them etc, and the woman wanting everything neatly filed away at all times like a show home. You need to compromise together, as it's not really fair for either of you to expect the other to live how you want them to.


Spend time together, and interact. - Arrange some together time. It doesn't even need to be a particularly large amount of time, the point is that it should be just the two of you and no distractions. No TV, no company, no kids (if you have them) just the two of you. This will help you retain a sense of how to interact with each other. If an argument starts, take 5 minutes and calmly talk it over – this time should be spend enjoying each other at all costs.

Think to the past as positive, not negative. - Actively reminisce about past times. The good times you have shared can act like the glue that bonds you together, and it can be genuinely good fun to talk about the past and exciting things you have done together. Another plus point to this is that the more exciting and fun things you do with each other, the more stuff you will have to reminisce about. Bringing up the past can be touchy, especially when done in a spiteful way. So think about the joy you’ve shared, not the heart ache.
 

Friday, September 17, 2010

How To Survive Cheating In A Relationship


After an affair, relationships can be hard to mend. The most essential part of any relationship is trust, and if you've cheated this bond is broken. The good news is that it is possible for a relationship to come back from cheating. The bad news is that you are going to have to work for it.



The first thing you need to do is swear off affair relationships. This is not a guide on how to cheat on your partner. If you're going to continue to cheat, then these guidelines will not be of much help to you. If you're willing to do the work, then these tips will help you repair your relationship.



The first thing you to need to do is admit your affair. Relationships are built on trust, and you can't have trust when you're lying to the other person. Not telling them is lying, a lie of omission. You need to tell them if they don't know, even though it is going to hurt.



Aside from general honesty, which is always a virtue, there is a practical side to this as well. If they don't know, they will find out, and it's better that you take the bullet now rather than add to the pain when they do find out. If you try to keep it a secret, you're going to torpedo the relationship.



The next thing you need to do is to take the blame. You may feel that your partner did something to drive you to cheat. We also all have natural tendency to rationalize our behavior, to explain ourselves by coming up with an excuse. But the reality is that it is you that cheated, you that the affair. Relationships aren't built by blaming your partner for your mistakes. Take the blame and move on.



Then you need to apologize. What you're looking for here is a complete admission and a sincere apology. You need to make sure that they know that you are truly repentant and regret what you did. Don't try to explain, just let them know how you feel.



Once you've done that, you need to give them some space. They are going to react, they are going to be hurt, and you can't push them into forgiving you any faster than they are going to already. Be there for them, but make sure that you don't push. They will be ready when they are ready, and if you try to push the issue then you are only going to succeed in pushing them further away. 




After an affair, relationships are going to be different. The best thing you can do is to look at it as if you are starting the relationship all over again. You're going to need to win back their trust, and this is a process that is going to take some time.



Fortunately, there are resources available to you to help you repair the relationship. It may be hard to admit to yourself that you need help, but using one of the systems can be the best relationship move you'll ever make.