If You Think Divorce Is The Only Option...Read On!

Going through the Pain Barrier

Nobody likes pain but its there for a purpose. I am a long time supporter of The Leprosy Mission and one of the things that I’ve discovered about leprosy is that its not normally the disease that results in a persons fingers or toes falling off, it’s the fact that the disease of leprosy stops a person being able to feel pain and so they will unconsciously burn themselves badly and not feel it. The nerve endings have been damaged and so they cannot feel pain at all and the results, more often than not, are the hideous deformities that we now associate with a leper. A leper would love to feel pain because they know that pain is given to us to warn our bodies that something is wrong that needs put right, if possible. Pain is not always a bad thing.

I run marathons. Do you think I feel pain when I run a marathon? You bet I do! A marathon is one of the supreme tests of endurance that average people can undertake. During the run your body uses up all its stores of carbohydrates and other necessary body fuels and then begins to feed off itself – it turns cannibal, if you like. This is painful. As well as that, it is not uncommon to pull a muscle, develop a blister, get a stitch, hurt your joints or any other number of painful ailments. Your body is telling you to stop, this is damaging to it! In this context, pain is your body’s natural way to tell you that you are overdoing it – and of course you are. However, all of us can ‘overdo it’ for a lot longer than we think is possible initially. We can learn to acknowledge the pain and, whilst taking steps to minimise it, we can still run on and on. Mind over matter if you like.

One of the great acts of heroism I ever witnessed was during an Olympic marathon when the Tanzanian representative fell during the race badly injuring himself. He got up and struggled on in obvious pain whilst all the other runners disappeared up the road in front of him. It was demoralising for him but he refused to give up. He struggled on and entered the stadium with only a few people still left in the stands to cheer him home. He finished the race with blood pouring from his leg wound just as they were taking down the finishing line and a television reporter asked why he hadn’t just given up after falling so badly. His response was brilliant. He replied, “My country did not send me here to start a race. They sent me to finish a race!” Too many of us start the race but are not so committed to finishing.

I am firmly convinced that if a couple acknowledge to each other that there will be times of pain then they will be better able to cope with it for a period when it happens. In the western world, we have been brought up with this strange belief that we should never suffer and so, when we inevitably do hit times of suffering, we have not prepared ourselves to handle it properly. I have a friend who lectures on philosophy in universities in many third world countries. He says that one question he is never asked in third world countries is, “Why does God allow suffering?” The reason for this is that suffering is just such a normal part of their lives that they cannot imagine that anyone doesn’t suffer. In fact it’s the suffering that makes them into the people they are. Can you accept that suffering makes you a better person?

Here are five things we can do when we feel pain in our relationship:-

1. We need to acknowledge that there is pain and try to isolate what is causing it.

As we have said already in regard to the lepers, pain has a purpose. It tells us that something is not right. When we feel pain in our relationship we need to stop and analyse why we are feeling that particular pain. When I was an accountant and had a bit more money at my disposal, one of the things I would do when I felt some pain in my marriage was to throw a bit of money at it. We’d take a holiday, go for a nice meal, buy some new clothes, get our hair done up (well at least my wife would do this). Now, if you’ve got the resources, there is nothing intrinsically wrong with any of these things but we need to be aware that by distracting our minds for a little while from the cause of the pain it doesn’t make the pain go away long term. It only puts a plaster over a wound that needs treatment. However, all we were doing by throwing money at our problems was delaying the inevitable and sooner or later we would have a big argument.

It’s a bit like developing a toothache. Sure, you can dull the pain by putting some painkilling drug on your gum but if the cause of the pain is not dealt with, we know that it will flare up again, and next time even more painfully. Indeed if we kept on ignoring the pain then it might result in a tooth being removed. What started out as a simple toothache resulted in surgery. Not good.

In marriage there are a number of ways of figuring out what is causing the pain. Most of them common sense. You could try just talking to each other. Now there’s a novel suggestion! You could try doing the simple exercises in chapter 2 of this book and then discussing the results. You could talk to a professional counsellor who is trained to get to the bottom of painful issues. Whatever you decide to do it is crucial that you do something and do not ignore your pain. Once again the keyword is action.

2. The second thing we can try when pain rears its probing head is something that might seem very obvious but it is worth stating again just in case you miss it. Make sure that the pain you feel is associated with your marriage and not something else, like your job or even your children. So often we can be under pressure at our work and then come home and take it out on our partner. This is called displacing the pain. One of the things that I had to learn to do was to actually say to my wife, when I came home after a particularly hard day at work, that I was feeling stressed and tired. At first it felt like a confession of weakness and it wasn’t easy for me to admit that sometimes I wasn’t coping as well as I’d like to pretend. When I admitted as much to my wife, almost every time she was able to understand and take a bit more of the household pressure for a short time.

On other occasions the pressure was in the other direction and after a hard day of dealing with young children my wife would sometimes take out her frustrations on me. If I failed to recognise that this was happening the result could easily be a full-blown argument over pain that had been displaced. It is very important to be able to admit to feeling under pressure and to ask for some help from your spouse. If you don’t, the pain you feel elsewhere will automatically come out in your marriage.

3. The third thing to fix in your mind and believe is that pain is not a signal that your marriage is over.

When I’m running a marathon I need to keep reminding myself that pain is a totally natural for this event and expected part of the race. I do not give up at the first twinge or even at quite severe pain. I battle through it. Of course, I have to put up with some pain if I want to finish the race. One thing that drives me nuts these days is when I read a report in a newspaper of the latest celebratory couple who have split up citing ‘irreconcilable differences’ as the cause. What they are really saying is that they encountered a wee bit pain and so just gave up! Usually they live such a pampered lifestyle that any sort of pain is just not acceptable and so they walk away (to repeat the exercise with someone else). Do not succumb to this modern malaise. If you never learn how to put up with a bit of pain, every relationship you enter into will head down the same path. If you don’t believe me, just check out the marriages in Hollywood. Don’t become a quitter. Pain is not the end – it’s a sign that something needs to be done. In fact, it can be a beginning if you let it.

4. Stop focusing on the pain.

Whatever you focus on will begin to define who you are. If all you can see are the bad things in your marriage it won’t be long until your marriage accurately reflects your focus. In a marathon, if I keep thinking about how painful it is, there is a big temptation to give up. So what I do is to try and focus on more pleasant things such as the scenery, the joy of running, the anticipation of finishing, other runners (especially those who dress up in stupid outfits), anything to divert my attention from the pain for a little while. It’s amazing how often the pain is actually more mental than physical. I believe that the same thing can be achieved in marriage. Instead of focusing on the toothpaste lid or the toilet seat (to quote just two clichés) why not focus on your partner’s great sense of humour or their willingness to always switch off the lights or any of a hundred other endearing qualities? It’s amazing how trivial the irritations become when you remove them from the centre of your focus.

Try this simple exercise. Take a very small coin and hold it arms length between your finger and thumb. Does it block out much of the view behind it? No, obviously it doesn’t. Now bring the coin up closer and closer to your eye and close the other eye. What happens? It blocks your view almost completely, doesn’t it? It’s only a small coin but it can completely obliterate your view if you let it. Often the same thing happens in marriage. You can forget all the tremendous blessings you have together and focus on the one tiny fault until it takes over and dominates your thinking. Don’t allow it to do so. Now, what you’ve just read might sound like a contradiction to point 1 but its not. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting here that you bury your head in the sand regarding pain in your marriage but what I am saying is to make sure that the thing you think is causing you pain is actually as bad as you are making out. Have you just become so used to whining about something that it has come to dominate your thinking unnecessarily? Don’t let a small pain obliterate your view of a great marriage.

5. Share the Pain

Can I just remind you of something? You are married. It’s okay to share the hard things with your spouse. Remember the vows that you took? “For better and for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health.” Perhaps you’ve always felt that you had to be strong and support your spouse and so when you feel pain what do you do? Pretend it’s not sore? Tell him/her that you can cope? Why don’t you just admit that you’re finding something tough and ask for their support? It might be the very thing that draws you together. Share , share, share.

As I draw to the end of this chapter I want to leave you with an amusing story.

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking. "Look, there’s couple who have been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"

The little old man walked up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal. The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray. There was one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. Then he carefully counted out the French fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip as the man began to eat his few bites.

Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were thinking. "That poor old couple." As the old man began eating his French fries, a young man stood up and walked to the old couples' table. He politely offered to buy another meal. The old man replied that they were just fine. They were used to sharing everything and, anyway, their appetites were not what they used to be.

Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn't eaten a thing. She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink. Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy them another meal. This time, the lady explained that no, they were used to sharing. As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer and asked one last time if he could buy them one more meal.

After being politely refused again, he finally asked the little old lady, "Ma'am, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everything. What is it that you are waiting for?" She answered, ………… "The teeth!"

Aaaagghhh! Yes I know it’s disgusting, but its probably not a true story and anyway it does illustrate the principle of sharing in a way that you will not forget. Will you?

Back to pain. As I said in the opening sentence, nobody enjoys pain. However, if you can just acknowledge what it is trying to tell you, but not allow it to knock you off track, then your marriage will survive and grow.

If you would like to read more of my ebook then please go immediately to this website www.themarriagesite.com

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Child Custody and Seeing Your Kids - Visitation

Child custody has several forms, sole custody and joint custody. Sole custody means one parent gets physical as well as legal custody. Joint custody is another type of child custody, where both parents get the right to have a share in making decisions for the child. There is also a type of joint custody where the child gets to stay for some period of time with each of the parent. However, it is said that this can be a bit difficult for the child.

It is necessary that joint custody that both parents are co-operating with each other regarding decision making about the child. It all depends on how the divorce proceedings have been, in case of a bitter divorce and conflict; it might be better that sole custody of child is awarded to a single parent.

It is required by the state laws that whichever type of custody is awarded, it is necessary that it should be in the best interests of the child. Unlike in earlier times, when mother was taken as the correct person to raise a child, today the court looks at the fact and selects the parent who has been playing an active role in raising the child.

The court allows periodical visitation rights to the parent who has not been awarded physical custody of the child; these visits take place in the home of the parent who has not been given the physical custody. However, the court might not give any rights for visitation if there is fear of any physical harm or abuse in the history of parents, the court instead of denying totally might give supervised visitation charges.

In cases where there are charges of abuse, especially sexual abuse hurled at one another by each parent, the court can give further instructions for investigation in case it is in doubt of these charges. Though there have been a number of cases where accusation of abuse has been used to get more money or to harm the spouse’s reputation.

However, if the accusation of child abuse does not hold true in someone’s case, he should not be silent over the issue and should try to gain help from several organizations which provide advice, support and sometimes legal advice. One such organization is VOCAL (Victims of Child Abuse Laws).

According to the law, visitation rights and child support payments are different issues, therefore though visitation has not been allowed one is required to pay. The court, while giving the custody of the child might take a view of ‘in best interests of the child’ where it considers several factors.

Most times both parents agree that the mother should get custody, but times are changing across the board and men are gaining more custody recently.


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A Good Choice: Collaborative Divorce

The 21 Basic Laws Of Successful Relationships.

We know from long experience that only collaborative divorce -- not old-style adversarial legal representation, and not a single mediator working with or without lawyers in the picture -- views divorce as a complex experience requiring advice and counsel from multiple perspectives if it is to be navigated well. Collaborative divorce prepares you to deal with the emotional challenges and changes associated with divorce and provides the resources that can best help you make a healthy transition from married to single.

Collaborative divorce builds in important protections for children, too. It informs you fully about how your children are experiencing the divorce and what they need to weather the big changes in their family structure without harm. It helps protect your future relationship with your spouse by informing both of you fully -- together, at the same time -- about the financial realities of your marriage and divorce in a way that eliminates pointless arguments about economic issues. It also teaches you and your spouse new ways of problem solving and conflict resolution so that you develop useful skills for addressing your differences more constructively in the future. Further, collaborative divorce

Helps you clarify your individual and shared values and priorities
Helps you and your spouse reach maximum consensus
Includes complete advice about the law without using legal rights as the sole template for negotiation and resolution
Helps you and your spouse resolve serious differences creatively and without destructive conflict
Helps parents improve their ability to coparent after divorce
Builds in agreements about resolution of future differences after the divorce is over
Focuses not only on resolving past differences but also on planning for healthy responses to current challenges and on laying a strong foundation for the future after the divorce is over
Aims toward deep resolution, not shallow peace
Why You Do Not Want an "Old-Style Divorce"


Dissolve Problems And Transform Them Into Opportunities!

We're confident that, like the people we work with every day, you want to protect yourself and your loved ones from the havoc that an old-style divorce can wreak in your lives. Let's summarize the facts you now know about old-style divorce:

It is based on the centuries-old belief that divorce is wrong and abnormal
It seeks to find fault and mete out punishment
It focuses on the past
It is premised on conflict
It is constrained by an arbitrary legal framework intended to resolve matters of right and wrong by the exchange of money
It aims at a deal, not deep resolution
It fails to take into account current understandings of how people are wired, what they need in times of change, what children need during and after divorce, and how families change and restructure
What's more, we know that old-style divorce is bad for individuals, families, and communities because

It's expensive
It's hurtful and damaging
It's "one size fits all"
It deems irrelevant many common concerns that are extremely important to most people because judges can't issue enforceable orders about them
It focuses on the past
It encourages unrealistic expectations on the part of both spouses about what should happen in the divorce
It resolves disputes through competing predictions of what a judge would do rather than focusing on what you and your partner can agree on
It won't provide essential help to you or those you care about
The emotional and social costs are incalculable
Luckily, we live in an era when there is finally a better option -- one that can end a marriage without destroying a family or setting into motion negative effects that can bedevil family members for a lifetime.

Why Collaborative Divorce Works So Well

The reasons why collaborative divorce does such a good job of helping most people achieve their own "best divorce" are simple. Collaborative divorce addresses the financial and legal matters that must be resolved in any divorce, but it does so more effectively because it provides the built-in help of three professions, not just one. The design of collaborative divorce -- with its team of professionals, its systematic attention to values, its emphasis on healthy relationships, and its focus on the future -- takes into account the broad spectrum of what really matters to most people when their marriages end. It considers not only the two spouses but those around them who also matter to the divorcing couple and who will be both directly and indirectly affected by a good or a bad divorce: children, families, and even extended families, friends, and colleagues. It applies what we know about marriage and divorce from the realms of psychology, sociology, history, law, communication theory, conflict resolution theory, finance, and other realms in a very practical, useful, and concrete way.

Collaborative Divorce Deals With What People Actually Experience in Divorce

Unlike any other divorce conflict resolution process that has come before, collaborative divorce teams make constant use of vital information about how people are "wired," how we think, how our emotions affect our ability to communicate effectively and to process information, how we experience pain and loss, how we recover from the end of a marriage, what our children are experiencing and what they need in the divorce, and what the needs of each member of the family after the divorce are likely to be. In this way, collaborative divorce offers constructive, comprehensive, multidisciplinary professional support that responds to the actual complexities of divorce as people experience it, rather than imposing an old-fashioned, limited institutional legal point of view as the sole perspective on a complex human experience.

Reprinted from Collaborative Divorce: The Revolutionary New Way to Restructure Your Family, Resolve Legal Issues, and Move on with Your Life by Pauline H. Tesler, M.A., J.D., & Peggy Thompson, Ph.D. Copyright © 2006 Pauline H. Tesler & Peggy Thompson. Published by Regan Books; June 2006;$25.95US/$33.50CAN; 0-06-088943-8

Authors
Pauline H. Tesler, M.A., J.D., has been a specialist in family law certified by California State Bar Board of Legal Specialization since 1985. She is a fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband. www.lawtsf.com

Peggy Thompson, Ph.D., has been a licensed psychologist specializing in families and children for thirty years. For the past fifteen years, she has been actively involved in the development and practice of collaborative divorce. Peggy lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband. www.cdadivorce.com

Together they confounded the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals.

For more information, please visit www.collaborativedivorcebook.com

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Divorce - Are You Feeling Cheated?

Are you feeling relieved after divorce or cheated? After many divorces people feel happy while in many rather more cases they feel cheated. Why? Divorce it self is a very painful process and the times that lead to divorce are more painful. The question is why get the sense of feeling cheated after getting divorce? Let us talk about this.

Relationship demands giving - People give a lot to their marriage; most of them do it except few. Right from the development of relationship, a lot of time, emotional energy and physical resources are given to make it work. During marriage the investment goes higher. Most of the partners want the marriage to work. There are exceptions that unbelievably want to destroy because of psychological problems. When cracks develop in the marriage, lot more effort is made to save the marriage and when the marriage breaks after putting in so much effort, one feels cheated.

Is this true for all? This is not true for all. There are few individuals who don't give anything in marriage. They ask for it. The demand and contribute nothing. That is the game of selfishness played by them. So these people will never feel cheated. They will only feel bad that they lost an easy victim.

What should you do? The only way out is to forget the losses. Try to erase the past as much as possible. This will be difficult, but break the pain bit by bit. Work on it and it will go away one day. Try to forge another relationship and forget what went wrong. Cut your losses as soon as possible.

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Divorce Advice, Where Can You Turn?

Divorce is such a nasty thing and people should hate the destruction and harm that it does to everyone involved. The problem is that even people that hate it become victims of it inevitably. So there needs to be a source of divorce advice for those that are not using it selfishly as a way to "legitimately" escape a relationship for purely selfish reasons. Reasons like desiring more sexual conquest, or escape from something hard like a terminal illness in a spouse, or bad financial luck in a spouse, or simply lack of loyalty, and unwillingness to put in the effort that the normal hard work that a relationship takes.

People should not be rewarded for pettiness, selfishness, greed, shallow hearts, laziness, lust, deceit, and on and on. Therefore there needs to be divorce advice for both holding these people accountable and for protecting the people that are victimized by the cruelty of some. At this time advice that does these things is sadly very rare, and this is part of the reason why divorce is so rampant in today's society.

The 21 Basic Laws Of Successful Relationships.

When you think of victims most of the time your mind pictures a poor helpless middle-aged mother who has been abandoned by an evil "player" husband for a younger and less "used" woman. This victim chose out of love and loyalty to forgo the chance to better herself with an education and career to love and raise their children and bears the scars of this sacrifice literally and figuratively. While these scars of sacrifice should make her more sexy to a man who can see and understand what a gift to him they are, they do just the opposite, and he takes off. This is common and these women need good sound divorce advice for protection and to preserve their future.

Presently however this is becoming less and less typical now the opposite is true. The man who is loyal and working hard to raise his kids and provide for his family is the unattractive and boring one who gets dropped like a bad habit for a more exciting and dangerous man. These men, because this is a relatively new phenomena made possible in large part by the women's liberation movement (which had its good points, don't get me wrong), are in desperate need of good divorce advice because they find it harder to convince judges of their plight.

The good news is that good divorce is there to find for whatever case you may find yourself in. It is becoming more common too as the demand gets greater sadly. So there is hope you just need to do your homework and you will recover from this terrible time.

Dissolve Problems And Transform Them Into Opportunities!

Coping With A Divorce

In this article I am going to explain about how a friend of mine managed to get through a rather messy divorce and how she came through the whole experience a much stronger person. I hope her story helps other people who have or are going through a divorce.

My friend is called Sue and she married her childhood sweetheart called John when she was only twenty-two. Sue has explained that at the time she could not have been happier and was very much in love. She hoped and imagined that they would spend the rest of their lives together. Sue had met John when she was at school and they had been dating since the age of fifteen.

After the marriage, they then talked about starting a family and before long they were parents to two boys. Sue believed that this was the icing on the cake and left work to bring up her children.

Unfortunately things were to soon go horribly wrong. John started coming home later and later from work and Sue was at a loss as to what was going on. John of course stated that he was only doing his work and that he was working overtime to give his family a better life, especially as Sue was no longer working. In reality John was having an affair with a woman he had met at work.

After a few months Sue found out about the affair and asked John as to why he had seeked the attention of this other woman. He replied that Sue had been the only woman he had slept with and that he felt that he had missed out on the experience of dating other people. Despite the fact that Sue was willing to forgive John, the relationship was soon to end as he moved in to live with his other woman.

Sue was obviously very upset and could not believe what was happening to her. Before long divorce proceedings were under way and Sue decided to put the family house on the market and returned home to live with her parents, the boys of course went with her.

This was a very depressing time for Sue. One day however she was walking through her local shopping precint and saw a group of handicapped children. Sue thought to herself that the situation she was in was only temporary and that she would eventually be happy again, but that these children would more than likely to be handicapped for life. This strangely enough helped Sue to gain the strength and to think positive about the future.

Sue is now re-married and is once again very happy, she still hates her ex-husband however. Sue has learnt a lot from her experience of getting divorced and tries to think in a much more positive way. She has realised that there are many people in the world in a far worse position than what she is in.

Break-Ups And Doubts

Shall I break-up? Am I right? Or my thinking is wrong somewhere? What if I hurt my partner with the break-up? What if I cannot live normally after break-up? Shall I recover from it? Should I break-up?  I am having doubts about the reasons. I am doubtful about the consequences. I am confused. What shall I do?

After life reaches a stage where living together becomes very painful, one begins thinking of break-up. But the doubts can be overwhelming sometimes. They can mar the judgment. They confuse the thinking. This makes life further trouble some. What is the way out? 

The first step should be giving your mind little rest. A tense mind tends to lose the way. Relax and let go of these thoughts for few days. Involve yourself in other activities. Relaxing your mind will give you some peace and help you think well. After you begin feeling peaceful, begin writing down your reasons for breaking up. Don’t miss anything. Write down all the reasons clearly and write explanations wherever needed. This will give you further insight into why you want to break-up.

Pluses and Minuses - write down both pluses and minuses of the break-up. Read them carefully and weigh them. If necessary, consult a close friend. After you become sure that you must break-up and that will be in your interest and in the interest of your partner, go ahead.

5 Ways To Ensure You Will Have a Happy Life After Divorce

In fact, think about having a life after divorce while getting a divorce can be a sticking point for some people because they just aren't sure what their life will "look like" after divorce.

Here's 5 things to keep in mind so can have a life after divorce:

Life after divorce item 1: Think about your emotional stability...if you wanted the divorce or not, you must face it head on.
Divorce is tough and whether you're going through it or your are already past it, your emotional stability is of vital importance because you might tend to be somewhat touchy after going through an emotional ordeal. Keep in mind that your life after divorce can be great but you must admit that you will go through (or have gone through) a trying time in your life. Admitting this and facing your situation head on is important to your emotional stability and critical to you having a happy life after divorce.

Life after divorce item 2: Look at the bright side, having life after divorce could be a new start for you!
How may times in your life do you wish you could have just started over knowing what you know now? If you answered "many", don't worry, that's a common thought most of us have. Having a positive mental attitude about your new beginning will make a huge difference in how happy your life will be after divorce. Life after divorce can be fantastic and it can also be very tough if you don't remain positive about a what's in front of you. Look at the glass as being "half full" and realize that, in order to be happy after divorce, you must take advantage of the opportunity to get a fresh start!

Life after divorce item 3: Surround yourself with people you like in your free time.
Too often times people start new relationships with just about anyone because they are lonely while getting a divorce or after getting a divorce. Sparking a relationship, romantic or friendly, with anyone and everyone who will spend time with you can contribute to unhappiness in your life after divorce. Stop and think about the people that you spend time with and ask yourself, "Once my emotional turmoil has ended, would I really want to keep the relationship going with this person?". Life after divorce is tough...so, when you're deciding about divorce, going through one, or already have been through a divorce, make sure that you carefully choose who to spend your free time with or you may fall into more negativity in your life after divorce.

Life after divorce item 4: Make it a point to spend time doing things that you like to do every week.
Make sure that you spend time enjoying your life after divorce - don't forget to 'stop and smell the roses'. Some people vent, work, go into hiding, or just plain go haywire after getting a divorce and their subsequent life after divorce isn't as healthy as possible. At least once a week, take the time to go and do something that you really enjoy doing...it will help you deal with your life after divorce in a more pleasing manner.

Life after divorce item 5: Set specific goals and implement a plan to achieve those goals.
Life after divorce is a tumultuous time, your life can seemingly be 'in the balance'. In order to make sure that you feel good about yourself and enjoy the feeling that accomplishment brings, think about a goal or set of goals that you've always had but never attained. Then, prioritize those goals and devise a plan to obtain them, one by one. Implement each plan and be happy (in fact celebrate) once you've reached your goal. Your life after divorce will be markedly better and healthier if you take this concept to heart and follow it.

Visualizing your life after divorce (and thinking about what your life might be like after divorce) is a sound and logical thing to do in order to be happy after divorce. Your life after divorce does not need to be a continuation of the pain you might have gone through or are currently going through.

Life after divorce can be extremely liberating if you act based on logic plus positive emotions rather than negativity. If divorce is eminent or you've already been through divorce, take the time to actually plan your life after divorce.

In fact, think about having a life after divorce while getting a divorce can be a sticking point for some people because they just aren't sure what their life will "look like" after divorce.

Here's 5 things to keep in mind so can have a life after divorce:

Life after divorce item 1: Think about your emotional stability...if you wanted the divorce or not, you must face it head on.
Divorce is tough and whether you're going through it or your are already past it, your emotional stability is of vital importance because you might tend to be somewhat touchy after going through an emotional ordeal. Keep in mind that your life after divorce can be great but you must admit that you will go through (or have gone through) a trying time in your life. Admitting this and facing your situation head on is important to your emotional stability and critical to you having a happy life after divorce.

Life after divorce item 2: Look at the bright side, having life after divorce could be a new start for you!
How may times in your life do you wish you could have just started over knowing what you know now? If you answered "many", don't worry, that's a common thought most of us have. Having a positive mental attitude about your new beginning will make a huge difference in how happy your life will be after divorce. Life after divorce can be fantastic and it can also be very tough if you don't remain positive about a what's in front of you. Look at the glass as being "half full" and realize that, in order to be happy after divorce, you must take advantage of the opportunity to get a fresh start!

Life after divorce item 3: Surround yourself with people you like in your free time.
Too often times people start new relationships with just about anyone because they are lonely while getting a divorce or after getting a divorce. Sparking a relationship, romantic or friendly, with anyone and everyone who will spend time with you can contribute to unhappiness in your life after divorce. Stop and think about the people that you spend time with and ask yourself, "Once my emotional turmoil has ended, would I really want to keep the relationship going with this person?". Life after divorce is tough...so, when you're deciding about divorce, going through one, or already have been through a divorce, make sure that you carefully choose who to spend your free time with or you may fall into more negativity in your life after divorce.

Life after divorce item 4: Make it a point to spend time doing things that you like to do every week.
Make sure that you spend time enjoying your life after divorce - don't forget to 'stop and smell the roses'. Some people vent, work, go into hiding, or just plain go haywire after getting a divorce and their subsequent life after divorce isn't as healthy as possible. At least once a week, take the time to go and do something that you really enjoy doing...it will help you deal with your life after divorce in a more pleasing manner.

Life after divorce item 5: Set specific goals and implement a plan to achieve those goals.
Life after divorce is a tumultuous time, your life can seemingly be 'in the balance'. In order to make sure that you feel good about yourself and enjoy the feeling that accomplishment brings, think about a goal or set of goals that you've always had but never attained. Then, prioritize those goals and devise a plan to obtain them, one by one. Implement each plan and be happy (in fact celebrate) once you've reached your goal. Your life after divorce will be markedly better and healthier if you take this concept to heart and follow it.

Visualizing your life after divorce (and thinking about what your life might be like after divorce) is a sound and logical thing to do in order to be happy after divorce. Your life after divorce does not need to be a continuation of the pain you might have gone through or are currently going through.

Life after divorce can be extremely liberating if you act based on logic plus positive emotions rather than negativity. If divorce is eminent or you've already been through divorce, take the time to actually plan your life after divorce.

Fix Your Marriage

Divorced Dad Beware Of The Alienator!

The Naive Alienator

Most divorced dads experience instances when they are Naive alienators. These divorced dads do mean well and they identify the children’s importance on having a good healthy relationship with them. They hardly ever come back to the court concerning problems with visitation or any other issues relating to the kids. The courts persuade the relationship of the kids and the divorced dad to be intact.

Both parents that communicate to each other is good usually, even though sometimes they do have arguments like they did before all the divorce proceedings took place. Arguing in front of the kids is a big no- no, it is better to leave the children out of it. For the most part, they can work out their differences without bringing the children into it.

Children do not like to hear their parents fighting and arguing, divorced parents or not.  These kids may feel hurt if they see or hear their dad or mom argue over things. Sometimes, the kids tend to cope up with their parents arguing and fighting either by talking to one of them, be it the dad or mom; sometimes they ignore both parents and let the issue heal in time. By hearing and seeing what the parents are fighting about does not really affect the children of the naïve alienator. 

The Active Alienator

Divorced dads that come back to the court to settle problems with their visitation rights are active alienators. These dads mean well and trust that the kids should gain a healthy relationship with their mother. Frustration is the common problem that they have, controlling the hurt they feel and the bitterness of what has happened.

There are instances that something might trigger the hurt that they feel inside, active alienators would strike or freak out in one way or another to cause alienation against the ex-wife. After calming down, the dad usually feels bad or he feels guilty about what he did and would refrain from their alienating strategy.

Hesitating between recklessly alienating and then after, fixing the damage with the kids is one of the well-known actions of the active alienator. They really do mean well, however, they will lose their cool because of the amount of force of their feelings inside overpowers them.

They do have the aptitude to obey and respect the authority of the trial courts and they do obey the court’s decision. Sometimes though, they tend to clash with the mother.  They sometimes act this way in order to strike at the mother for some injustice. They are also willing to seek professional help when they have problems that do not seem to go away.

They are usually openly worried about the kids’ adjustment to having parents that are divorced.  The divorced dad is thinking on how the children would adjust to two environments instead of just one.  These people still hope for a fast recuperation from all the pain and hurt that the divorce has brought.

The Obsessed Alienator

The obsessed alienator has a cause: to win over the children’s sympathy in order for the divorced dad, along with the kids to demolish the kids’ relationship with their mother. In order for this to work, the obsessed alienator entangles the kids’ characteristics and faith into their own. This is a very long process; it may take a long time, usually after the divorce is final.  This is because the divorced dad is angry or frustrated with the ex-wife and feels betrayed and wants to get back at her.

A Reminder

Recognize that those mentioned above are a reality. As a divorced dad, you not only have to protect your relationship with your kid but you have to safe guard you child’s emotional, mental and physical well being as well.

Should Siblings all Remain Together After A Divorce?

The Truth About Children and Divorce: Dealing with the Emotions So You and Your Children Can Thrive 

Children have their ups and downs with each other, but you will find it tough times they often depend on one another. That leads to the question of siblings being together when a couple gets divorced. Sometimes it isn’t that simple though such as when one child doesn’t biologically belong to both parents.

Many couples agree to have the siblings all remain together. It is easier on everyone that way. All of the children go to the other parent at a set time as a unit. Even though they are facing many changes, they get the benefit of having the companionship of each other. Many siblings who come from a divorced family will tell you how important that was to helping them get through it.

Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way

The role that siblings play in each other’s life is fascinating. Even after they are grown many of them remain very close. When the world is scary as it often is during a divorce, they can support each other. No one else knows what they are feeling except their siblings so it is a great way to be able to talk to someone about the events taking place.

There are times though when parents choose to split up the siblings. They may let the older children choose who they want to live with. This can be hard for parents but they want their children to be where they are going to be the happiest. It is the unselfish parents who are able to so this without any problems.

Make sure you aren’t influencing your child’s decision as to who they want to live with. They should know they can change their mind down the road if they desire. The important thing is to find a way to maintain a very healthy relationship with that child. They also need to be encouraged to maintain contact with their siblings who aren’t living with them. Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce

It may have to do with education as well. If one parent has to relocate they may want their children in school to stay with the other parent. They may only have a year or two left of high school. At the least the arrangement may be in place until the school year is finished and other plans can be made.

Finances and location can be a problem as well. A parent may want all of their children with them but have a two bedroom apartment. With many children that isn’t going to work out well. They may be staying with a friend or family member and so their really is just no room. Until they can afford to get a bigger place it may be necessary to split up the siblings.Making Divorce Easier on Your Child: 50 Effective Ways to Help Children Adjust

Very young children may need to remain with their mother for various reasons. They may be nursing or the father may not be able to provide adequate childcare. Older children may be allowed to fly on their own back and forth between parents. The younger children can’t do so and therefore they remain in one place until they get older.

Another issue has to do with special needs children. They may require additional care and medical supplies that are too difficult or expensive to have in both locations. This may result in one parent being fully responsible for that particular child. It depends on the abilities of the parents as well as the severity of the medical problems that the child has.

The decision to keep siblings together after a divorce is one that each family will have to evaluate. It may work well for the issues at hand but at other times it doesn’t. Regardless of the decision, all of the children need to know the divorce wasn’t their fault. They also need to have the love and encouragement of both parents. Forging a solid relationship with each of them is important to the overall well being of each child.

 

Can One Spouse Prevent A Divorce From Happening?

HOW TO STOP A DIVORCE - PROVEN STEPS TO PREVENT A DIVORCE FROM HAPPENING

If one person does not want to get a divorce, but one party in the relationship does and it is a no fault divorce, then the spouse cannot stop the divorce.  This is called an irreconcilable difference and is a justification for divorce. 

A spouse can prevent a fault divorce by convincing the court that he or she is not at fault.  This is something that they would have to prove and it is up to the judge to decide.  There are other additional ways to defend a divorce from happening may also be a choice for some situations.

If a person who condones that a spouse is having an affair files for a divorce, the spouse may contest the fault divorce by arguing that the spouse knew of the affair and condoned the action.  This is one way for a person to defend himself or herself in court.

Connivance is the setting up of a situation so that the other person commits something to jeopardize the marriage.  One type of situation to explain is if a women sets up her husband in situation where he is alone with his mistress.  This is known as a set up and it is an argument that one can make in court to defend their actions. 

Provocation is the inciting of a spouse to do a certain act.  If a spouse is suing for divorce and claims that the other spouse abandoned them, the other spouse might defend their suit because they were provoked by the abandonment.  Collusion is if a couple lives in a state where no fault divorce requires that the couple separate for a time and the couple doe not want to prolong the situation.  This may lead the couple to mislead the court and pretend that one of them was at fault just to get out of the marriage. 

These above defenses are not usually used for a few different reasons.  Proving a defense may require witnesses and involve a lot of time and expense.   Your efforts will usually bring nothing to the situation.  Chances are that a court will eventually grant the divorce.  A person should not have to stay married if they do not wish too.  The law is designed to give people the opportunity to get out of the marriage if that is what he or she really wants to do.  If you are involved in a marriage that you don't want to be in any longer, the process can be hard to get through, but you can make a divorce really happen, and put an end to the marriage. Divorce Prevention Rescue Mission - Steps to Prevent A Divorce from Happening

Feeling Safe about the Custody of your Children after a Divorce

 Most divorced parents can’t wait until it is time to get their children back from the other party. A big fear though is that they won’t get them back like they are supposed to. Bring children back from visitation an hour late is much different than not bringing them back at all. Too many parents are faced with such a fear as a realization though. You need to make sure your custody agreement clearly states the guidelines.

Violating a custody agreement is very serious and most courts will pursue prosecuting the other party. What they will get as a penalty depends on the type of violation. For example they may not be allowed to see the children on their own anymore since they don’t return them on time. In other scenarios they may lose their visitation all together.

Most courts though want the children to be able to spend time with both parents. If you don’t feel safe about what is taking place then you need to let that be known. For example if you worry about your ex spouse drinking and then driving with the children in the vehicle it needs to be addressed.

A specific clause can be added to the custody agreement that prevents them from doing so. They will face stricter penalties if they do violate such terms and conditions if they are in writing as part of the custody agreement. If you worry that your ex spouse may take the children out of the state or even out of the area that all needs to be documented in the custody agreement as well.

If your children have passports or the other parent has family out of the country this is more of a concern. They will have help to hide your children from you and that can mean it is years before you get to see them. There have been many well documented cases of such events happening.

While adding such elements about custody of your children to the agreement, you need to know you may still have problems. Make sure you listen to your gut instincts and follow up if you feel something may be wrong. Many parents do take the risk involved and run off with their children. It may be to have them all to themselves but in many instances it is merely a way to punish the other parent.

Tracking down your children when they have been moved to another state or even another country can be extremely difficult. It can take a great deal of time to locate them and the expense involved will be out of your own pocket in most instances. Law enforcement simply doesn’t have the money or the manpower to pursue most of these cases.

Even if you do locate your children it can be a problem to get them back if they are in another country. There is a great deal of political issues and red tape that can hold up the process. This is a nightmare for anyone who is divorced and sharing custody of their children. Do your best to have such issues covered though in the custody agreement. It can be a way to deter that party from taking such action.

He's History, You're Not: Surviving Divorce After 40

Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce

4 Signs of a Cheating Wife

Do you suspect that your wife is cheating on you? If you do, you are definitely not alone. Infidelity is actually quite common these days. You can see it all over television and almost everyone has known someone who has been cheated on, in one way or another.

If you are a husband who thinks that your wife is cheating on you, there are a number of signs that you will want to be on the lookout for. The following are four signs that could very well confirm your suspicions.

1 – A Change in Appearance : If your wife has gone through a change in appearance, it could be a sign that she is cheating on you. What you will want to look for is small, but significant changes in appearance.
For example, has she always worn glasses but has all of a sudden opted for contact lenses? Has your wife recently started showing more skin? Dressing provocatively is a common sign of cheating, especially if your wife typically dresses conservatively. Switching perfumes or wearing it more often can be another sign of cheating. This can be done to impress a new man or to cover up another man’s scent.

2 – A Change in Affection: A change in the amount of affection that your wife gives you could be seen as a sign of having an affair. For example, has your love life been happy and healthy in the past? Was your relationship filled with fun, adventure, and great sex? If so, has that changed? If your wife no longer compliments you as she did before or does something as simple as pull away during a kiss, an affair may be going on. Many cheating women try to avoid close contact with their husbands in fear of getting caught or letting their guilt show.

3 – Secrecy: A wife becoming more secretive can often point to an extramarital affair. For example, does your wife spend too much time on the phone or the internet? If so, what does she say when you ask her what she is doing? If you receive a “nothing,” or a “not your business,” response, something may be going on.
In keeping with phone and internet use, does your wife automatically hang-up the phone whenever you walk into a room? Does she shut off the computer or try to block your view of it? If so, your wife’s secrecy may mean that she is trying to cover up an affair.

4 – Changes in Bills: One of the simplest ways to catch a cheating wife is to start paying your bills. In most relationships, this is the woman’s responsibility, but make it yours. Examine your wife’s cell phone bills. Does it show what phone numbers are called or what numbers text messages and pictures are received from? Also, closely examine credit card bills. Are there expenses listed for hotel rooms, vacations, restaurants, or anything else that you have no idea about? If so, your wife may be cheating on you.


The above mentioned signs are just a few of the many that you will want to look for in a cheating wife. If you think that your wife is cheating on you, just be sure to keep your eyes and ears open. Unfortunately for the cheaters, they often make mistakes. Many women get so comfortable, that they slip up at one time or another. If you know what to look for, this is when you may be able to catch your wife cheating.

If you do find out that your wife is cheating on you, you may want to carefully approach the subject. Never confront your wife in front of your children. No matter how angry you are, do not get violent and try to keep your voice at a reasonable level. As hard as it can be, calming approaching the situation can better allow you and your wife to have an honest discussion. This where you can decide what will happen you to and your relationship next. Does He Cheat? Confessions from Men: 50 Signs Your Partner May Be Cheating.

Does He Cheat? Confessions from Men: 50 Signs Your Partner May Be Cheating

Divorce, Find Out About Keeping The House

When comes to keeping the house, you have to be realistic. Can you really buy them out, can you afford the payments of the house?  It's completely unreal. You should also think about who will get the children. If you don't want the children to be with you completely, then don't expect to get the house, because the house usually goes where the children are. You shouldn't ask for custody because of the house. Children are not leverage in a case.

They should not be used so you can get whatever it is that you want. One of the biggest reasons why someone will sell the house during the divorce is because neither one of them can make the payments alone. If one of you can, you can take advantage and buy out their half or you can sell for your advantage again. If you want the house, ask the other to move out right away. This way you will have a better chance of getting the house, as well as, the other party losing the house since they forfeited over to you. The one who moves out will be seen as very generous person who just gave the other the house. Ask for a removal. This will allow you to have temporary absence, but remember they can also file for a temporary stay in the house, after the other has left. You should have a plan if you lose the house.

You're not guaranteed the house; so don't act like you are. But if you run your business from the house or within the house, you will get the house most likely just because it would be an inconvenience that is unnecessary. It will prove that you have more value towards the home.

You want to make sure that you never leave the house or it will leave your possession. You will want to consult your lawyer on other tips on how to keep the house. You will want to make sure that you don't suffer financially just to keep the home. Some of the things that you will need to keep in mind is who will fix the things around the house. Do you have the ability to pay for the pairs or can you do them yourself?

If you do get possession of the home, you should change the locks. This way you can't have them entering the premise without your permission. You will want to change the locks as soon as they move out. This way they can't harm you during the proceedings. You may even want to install an alarm so that you know that no one can open a window and get in. If you feel that your life is in danger, don't fight over the house. However, as a mother or parent you have the right to protect your children and want to stay in the house. When it comes to disputes that include property, you have to ask yourself if it is worth it and why you are pushing the issue.

To get the house, you will want to think about going through medication. You may find that you will have to give up more things for the house, but you have to wage the house against the other possessions. Usually, if you get the house than you get practically nothing else. You may get child support and alimony, but you don't get any of the other possessions in most cases.

When it comes to divorce proceedings, make sure that you don't have anything to hide. If you do, have a backup plan so that you can clear your name and the courts may be more likely to give you the house. You will want to think about the children as well when it comes to the custody of the house.

When You Are Facing a Divorce (Difficult Times Series)
How to Do Your Own Divorce in California: Everything You Need for an Uncontested Divorce of a Marriage or a Domestic Partnership
Divorce Empowerment: What You Need To Know, Do, And Say

Divorce; Learn To Get Past What You Hear

Divorce teaches a person many things. Some people take them to a place that makes them bitter. People lose a lot in divorces and that's not just personal materials. A person will lose a piece of himself or herself through the process of divorce. You should know that when you go through a divorce you might make a lot of personal changes. You will find your own way and become independent. You may change negatively, but eventually you'll get back on track.

You will want to overcome being this way by allowing yourself to learn your lesson, but not hold it against yourself. You will learn so much from a divorce that you may be scared to enter another relationship, but you shouldn't. You should know that your friends and family love you and want you to be happy. Your friends will encourage you, as well as, support you.

One the most important lessons that you will learn from divorce is you are stronger than you think. It takes a lot out of a person and it knock you down. Going though all that you have, you will become a stronger person. It will enable you to handle situations that you normally wouldn't think you could handle. Divorce makes you stronger.

It will also allow you to know the difference between words and action. Your mate might have promised to be civilized and then took everything. This may make you not want to trust anyone ever again, however, you will find a medium of believing everything and distrusting everything. You will know when someone is feeding you a line and you will tell when someone is being truly honest. Actions always speak louder than words. You may want to keep that in mind when it comes to other relationships.

You will also learn to appreciate your friends. You know when you have a true friend because you will never be alone in your times of need. Your friends will always have your back in everything that you do. You will also find that your friends are source of strength. They will encourage you to be better and they will encourage you to have goals and reach for them.  Divorce will also let you know which friends aren't worth a dime. You will be able to tell the difference between an honest person and someone who will stay with you and someone who just uses your friendship every now and then.

Another important less that everyone will learn is that anger helps heal. Although, there are people who say that you should hold back on your anger during times like divorce so that you don't mess up you case. But you need to get angry! You need to yell, you need to curse, you need right your wrong even if it won't help. Once you have expressed your anger you can then learn what it takes to let it go. You can get all your feelings out, all your hurt, and then you can learn to forgive. Anger is the beginning of the healing process.

A "Real" Man's Guide To Divorce: ("First, You Bend Over And...")
Another tip that you will get from divorce is that sometimes it's better to be on your own and follow your own path, whether than put up following someone else. You will be happier being able to control your life you will be a better person if you are able to find your own way of doing things. Your self-esteem will rise because you are an independent individual. It may be something that you never expected from yourself and more of a reason to feel a whole lot better about the situation.
He's History, You're Not: Surviving Divorce After 40

The Truth About Children and Divorce: Dealing with the Emotions So You and Your Children Can Thrive

Advice On Divorce

The end of a relationship can be devastating for a married couple, and the emotional and physical toll it takes on those involved can be difficult. Unfortunately, it is common that many relationships end acrimoniously, involving hours arguing over money, property, and children. Getting advice on divorce in order to know the laws both in your state and country is critical.

Of course every country has its own particular rules and legislation, so I will use the US as an example. There is a vast amount of information available that can give you advice on divorce, and innumerable businesses offering help for an additional fee (on top of the paperwork) that each state requires for filing. If you would like to do the divorce cheaply, and have little property or money to contend with, then you may want to do it yourself. This is a fairly straightforward process but will require a little research and time than if you were to have someone do it for you.

The first place to search if you would like advice on divorce is through the worldwide web. You can trawl through the vast amounts of information about documents and procedures for your particular situation and needs. The Internet is a good starting point to find out just where you stand legally, and normally you can get advice on divorce free from governmental websites. 




The Internet also showcases a wide array of organisations willing to provide advice on divorce for a small fee. These groups are schooled in the divorce process and know the process inside and out. They often will do all the paperwork for you and have representatives that can lodge your papers with the court. Depending on which site you choose, some will charge more than others for providing assistance and advice on divorce.

Any city council in the state that you reside in will have the correct paperwork that you can use to file for divorce. These usually come at no cost and are easily downloadable from the Internet. Their advice on divorce is normally free, but you may have to make an appointment with a counsellor who can advise you on the process. Some states require that you appear in court before issuing you the divorce decree – others require that you have been in the state longer than six months before you are allowed to file.

Books that provide advice on divorce are readily available at most major bookstores, and give step-by-step guidelines on how to go through the process. Filing for divorce can be a little like filing for taxes - and people can get flustered and confused with each itemized form that must be filled out. Books are a great way to understand the legal process at your own pace.

And lastly, lawyers are always the most known sources of advice on divorce. Be warned however, that the fees can be very high and you are not always assured on getting the result you want. Lawyers however, may be able to navigate the legal process labyrinth and will fight your case should it become messy. If you need a lawyer to speak to a judge over the rights to your children or major assets, than they will prove necessary. Who you ask for advice on divorce will largely depend on your situation, but it is advisable that you explore all options before calling up the first lawyer you know once the damage is irreparable.




Making Divorce Easier on Your Child: 50 Effective Ways to Help Children Adjust.
Making Divorce Easier on Your Child : 50 Effective Ways to Help Children Adjust
The High Road Has Less Traffic: honest advice on the path through love and divorce (Volume 1).

4 Steps To Stop Your Divorce And Save Your Marriage

The thing you need to know is that it is not too late to stop your divorce. The break up of marriage is one of the worst things that can happen to a person, and it is all too common. More than half of all marriages today will end in divorce. When you consider that divorce is commonly regarded as one of the most stressful events that can happen in a person's life, even beyond the death of a dear one, there is a lot of heartache out there in the world.

The tragedy is that most of these breakups could have been prevented. You do not have to be a statistic. You can do something about it; you can stop your divorce. I won't say that it is going to be easy, but it is possible. You just have to follow the steps to rebuild what has been broken.

You can't expect to stop your divorce without a plan anymore than you can expect to build a house without blueprints. Fortunately, the help is available and it behooves you to take advantage of it. Your marriage does not have to fail. You can do something.

Step One: Find the Problem

You can't stop your divorce if you don't know why your marriage is falling apart. You need to work with your spouse to diagnose what is wrong with the marriage. This is a little harder than it sounds, because what you think might be the reason for the divorce is just a symptom.

Step Two: Fix the Problem

In many ways, this is the most important step. If you can't fix the problem, then you can't stop your divorce. Some problems can't be fixed, but most can. The reason most marriage ending problems don't get solved is that they are never identified. But you've already done that in step one. What you need to do know is work with your spouse to make the compromises that will save your marriage.

Step Three: Remember the Good Times

You're going to need to remind both your spouse and yourself why you were together to begin with. No matter how bad your marriage has gotten, there was a point when things were good. You should try to get back to that place, but you should always keep in mind that it existed.

Step Four: Start Over

The last step in your quest to stop your divorce is to begin again. You need to look at your marriage as a brand new marriage. While you should keep in mind the good times, you need to forget the bad times and learn about your spouse all over again. Things have changed, and you need to make your marriage work with the person you are married to, not the person you used to be married to or the person you wish they were. Accept them as they are, and work together to build a better, stronger marriage.

If you follow these four steps, you will be able to stop your divorce. If you need more help, then don't be afraid to look for it. There are systems out there to help fix what is broken in your relationship, and you need to be willing to use them.

Is your marriage in trouble? Get FREE advice. And get a FREE marriage assessment. No strings attached.

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Stop Your Divorce and Save Your Marriage! 

The Divorce Remedy: The Proven 7-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage