4 Steps to Help Heal a Broken Heart

Heartbreak is a pain like any other. It is an emotional pain so bottomless that it can feel like a physical blow. When you have a pain like this one, all you want is for the deep ache to go away. As much as I’d like to advise differently, there is no band aid for a broken heart. Though it sounds cliché, time is the remedy needed for you to truly heal from such a deep, wrenching pain. In time, this pain will go away. Between now and then, however, following a few basic tips might be able to make the difference in how you are feeling.

1.    Cry: You are going to feel like rubbish for the first few weeks. Depending how emotional of a person you are, you may feel like crying for days. Go ahead. A significant change has occurred in your life; a painful change. There is no way to expect that you will feel a little sadness and be able to shut it off with a switch. It’s just not that simple. Allow yourself to grieve for your loss. But not too long! Staying in the past for too long can only hurt you. See rule number 4.
2.    Talk to Someone Close: Use the shoulder of someone who cares about you to get out your feelings. This is a way to purify your soul by letting someone in to share your pain. Let them listen, comfort you, and offer advice. You don’t necessarily have to take that advice, but sharing this comfort can make you feel better. Make sure you only allow yourself to grieve and lean on someone for a time because you need to move forward.
3.    Distract Yourself: Bring friends you care about back into your life. Maybe having the relationship was keeping you from spending time with your parents, or siblings. Maybe you hadn’t talked to your best friend in weeks. Surround yourself with this support network. Getting things that need to be done around the house done is a great way to get lost in a project. Go to the gym. Organize your closet. Get out and take a walk. Distracting yourself is a great stepping stone to moving on with your life. This brings us to rule number 4.
4.    Look toward the Future; Forget the Past: Once you have allowed yourself the indulgence of grieving for a part of your life that is now past, look forward! There is a definite need to be able to start a new chapter in the book of your life. Now that you are past the sadness and anger, it is time for hope and renewal that will help you to move on. Take time out for yourself; get to know yourself as a single individual instead of as part of a couple. Replenish your soul by becoming you again.

Following these sometimes difficult, but necessary steps, you can begin to heal the broken pieces of your heart. You can not only become whole again, you can become whatever you wish to become. This is a chance to start fresh, and once the pain starts to ease, you will see it as such an opportunity.




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A Good Choice: Collaborative Divorce

The 21 Basic Laws Of Successful Relationships.

We know from long experience that only collaborative divorce -- not old-style adversarial legal representation, and not a single mediator working with or without lawyers in the picture -- views divorce as a complex experience requiring advice and counsel from multiple perspectives if it is to be navigated well. Collaborative divorce prepares you to deal with the emotional challenges and changes associated with divorce and provides the resources that can best help you make a healthy transition from married to single.

Collaborative divorce builds in important protections for children, too. It informs you fully about how your children are experiencing the divorce and what they need to weather the big changes in their family structure without harm. It helps protect your future relationship with your spouse by informing both of you fully -- together, at the same time -- about the financial realities of your marriage and divorce in a way that eliminates pointless arguments about economic issues. It also teaches you and your spouse new ways of problem solving and conflict resolution so that you develop useful skills for addressing your differences more constructively in the future. Further, collaborative divorce

Helps you clarify your individual and shared values and priorities
Helps you and your spouse reach maximum consensus
Includes complete advice about the law without using legal rights as the sole template for negotiation and resolution
Helps you and your spouse resolve serious differences creatively and without destructive conflict
Helps parents improve their ability to coparent after divorce
Builds in agreements about resolution of future differences after the divorce is over
Focuses not only on resolving past differences but also on planning for healthy responses to current challenges and on laying a strong foundation for the future after the divorce is over
Aims toward deep resolution, not shallow peace
Why You Do Not Want an "Old-Style Divorce"


Dissolve Problems And Transform Them Into Opportunities!

We're confident that, like the people we work with every day, you want to protect yourself and your loved ones from the havoc that an old-style divorce can wreak in your lives. Let's summarize the facts you now know about old-style divorce:

It is based on the centuries-old belief that divorce is wrong and abnormal
It seeks to find fault and mete out punishment
It focuses on the past
It is premised on conflict
It is constrained by an arbitrary legal framework intended to resolve matters of right and wrong by the exchange of money
It aims at a deal, not deep resolution
It fails to take into account current understandings of how people are wired, what they need in times of change, what children need during and after divorce, and how families change and restructure
What's more, we know that old-style divorce is bad for individuals, families, and communities because

It's expensive
It's hurtful and damaging
It's "one size fits all"
It deems irrelevant many common concerns that are extremely important to most people because judges can't issue enforceable orders about them
It focuses on the past
It encourages unrealistic expectations on the part of both spouses about what should happen in the divorce
It resolves disputes through competing predictions of what a judge would do rather than focusing on what you and your partner can agree on
It won't provide essential help to you or those you care about
The emotional and social costs are incalculable
Luckily, we live in an era when there is finally a better option -- one that can end a marriage without destroying a family or setting into motion negative effects that can bedevil family members for a lifetime.

Why Collaborative Divorce Works So Well

The reasons why collaborative divorce does such a good job of helping most people achieve their own "best divorce" are simple. Collaborative divorce addresses the financial and legal matters that must be resolved in any divorce, but it does so more effectively because it provides the built-in help of three professions, not just one. The design of collaborative divorce -- with its team of professionals, its systematic attention to values, its emphasis on healthy relationships, and its focus on the future -- takes into account the broad spectrum of what really matters to most people when their marriages end. It considers not only the two spouses but those around them who also matter to the divorcing couple and who will be both directly and indirectly affected by a good or a bad divorce: children, families, and even extended families, friends, and colleagues. It applies what we know about marriage and divorce from the realms of psychology, sociology, history, law, communication theory, conflict resolution theory, finance, and other realms in a very practical, useful, and concrete way.

Collaborative Divorce Deals With What People Actually Experience in Divorce

Unlike any other divorce conflict resolution process that has come before, collaborative divorce teams make constant use of vital information about how people are "wired," how we think, how our emotions affect our ability to communicate effectively and to process information, how we experience pain and loss, how we recover from the end of a marriage, what our children are experiencing and what they need in the divorce, and what the needs of each member of the family after the divorce are likely to be. In this way, collaborative divorce offers constructive, comprehensive, multidisciplinary professional support that responds to the actual complexities of divorce as people experience it, rather than imposing an old-fashioned, limited institutional legal point of view as the sole perspective on a complex human experience.

Reprinted from Collaborative Divorce: The Revolutionary New Way to Restructure Your Family, Resolve Legal Issues, and Move on with Your Life by Pauline H. Tesler, M.A., J.D., & Peggy Thompson, Ph.D. Copyright © 2006 Pauline H. Tesler & Peggy Thompson. Published by Regan Books; June 2006;$25.95US/$33.50CAN; 0-06-088943-8

Authors
Pauline H. Tesler, M.A., J.D., has been a specialist in family law certified by California State Bar Board of Legal Specialization since 1985. She is a fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband. www.lawtsf.com

Peggy Thompson, Ph.D., has been a licensed psychologist specializing in families and children for thirty years. For the past fifteen years, she has been actively involved in the development and practice of collaborative divorce. Peggy lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband. www.cdadivorce.com

Together they confounded the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals.

For more information, please visit www.collaborativedivorcebook.com

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7 Signs That She Is a Fraud

Dissolve Problems And Transform Them Into Opportunities!

If you are looking for love and marriage abroad, it is very simple to get it right, believe me! There are thousands of honest, sincere women who will be genuinely interested in YOU!

But after you are meeting a nice girl that seems to be right for you make sure the person you are talking to is FOR REAL.

Frankly, looking for a partner abroad is not any different than any other search - search for a house, a second-hand car, or whatsoever, in one simple yet important detail: there will always be people that will try to take advantage of you.

The perception that you have built about dating scams can make you be cautious and suspicious all the time! That is even worse. Chances are you will make the same mistakes as other guys and destroy what was a really good and honest relationship - just because of being paranoid about scammers.

But what if I tell you that there are some specific signs that can make you  solve the enigma of sincerity in your relationship and find out that the person you were corresponding with is not who she said she is?

1. Money is a key object to know a scam. At some point she begins to ask for money, frequently asking that it be transferred through wire services. She commonly states that the money is needed to help resolve a family tragedy or arrange for a trip to the United States. A copy of a fraudulent U.S. visa is sometimes attached to prove good intentions.

Beside this, there are other subtle signs that can make you be suspicious from the first e-mails she is sending you.

2. The most prominent is the fact that scammers don't really read your letters. They don't remember what you have written - actually, they don't relate to the content of your letters at all. They don't answer your questions.

3. Things move very fast, and she falls in love with you within 1-5 letters. Those letters she send to you could be sent to anybody: "her" letters are pure monologue that becomes more and more obsessed with "her love" to you and her desire to be together with you despite of everything that separates you.

4. She doesn't want to provide you with her phone number pretending that she doesn't have a phone or that she didn't speak English. Paper can bear anything, you know that. But even phone conversation can give you more clues of what's really going on (though men usually tend to misinterpret subtle signs excusing them by the language barrier).

5. Your name usually appears only once, or does not appear at all in the correspondence she is sending to you. She uses "darling", "sweetheart", "my love" and so on instead, because she is probably afraid not to mix the names of her victims or is sending the same messages to all of them only changing the names.

6. She lets you know from the very beginning that she is a student or how little she earns, including the size of her salary even though you never asked about it. But she never asks about the state of your finances - neither uses the word "financially secure" in her description of the prospective partner.

7. She writes you almost every day (keeps sending you photos even if you did not ask for) and in her letters she talks a lot about trust, honesty and sincerity. :)

So of course you must be aware of the fact that there are some individuals out there who may try to extract from you some amounts in cash, but remember that not all pretty girls you are meeting online are swindlers. Many men who were looking for a foreign wife, and met a wonderful girl without problems, are very surprised to find information about scams - they did not know that such a thing exists!

It is you who takes the choice and the risk.

Enjoy but don't get fooled.

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True Love: Dying Reveals Secrets To Great Relationships!

Divorce - Are You Feeling Cheated?

Are you feeling relieved after divorce or cheated? After many divorces people feel happy while in many rather more cases they feel cheated. Why? Divorce it self is a very painful process and the times that lead to divorce are more painful. The question is why get the sense of feeling cheated after getting divorce? Let us talk about this.

Relationship demands giving - People give a lot to their marriage; most of them do it except few. Right from the development of relationship, a lot of time, emotional energy and physical resources are given to make it work. During marriage the investment goes higher. Most of the partners want the marriage to work. There are exceptions that unbelievably want to destroy because of psychological problems. When cracks develop in the marriage, lot more effort is made to save the marriage and when the marriage breaks after putting in so much effort, one feels cheated.

Is this true for all? This is not true for all. There are few individuals who don't give anything in marriage. They ask for it. The demand and contribute nothing. That is the game of selfishness played by them. So these people will never feel cheated. They will only feel bad that they lost an easy victim.

What should you do? The only way out is to forget the losses. Try to erase the past as much as possible. This will be difficult, but break the pain bit by bit. Work on it and it will go away one day. Try to forge another relationship and forget what went wrong. Cut your losses as soon as possible.

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Can We Still Be Friends

Life is really not like the movies. If people’s life was like the movies then every person’s love life would be pretty healthy. There would be no unhappy endings. Let’s face, life is not like the movies. If there’s anything in life that resembles movies it’s the nightmarish things that happen in the middle of movies. I say this because of some endings in movies where relationships end and one party asks if they could still be friends. In the movie world it can still work out, in the real world it just might be a dream.

When your ex asks if you too can still be friends after the relationship, it would make you think a lot. Do you think that this is really possible? It might make you sit back a moment and think very well. But why in the world or how your friendship can last when everything you had in your relationship just broke down. So when an ex ask that question it might only be polite to say “sure why not.” But deep inside both of you know that it might be hard to be good friends again. That expression is just used as a consolation prize for the dumping you had.

People who ask and say yes to these things do not really mean what they are saying. How can both of you be good friends when you have some bitterness? Maybe if the relationship has ended without the bitterness and with common consent. Even though, this will still be hard especially for the first couple of months, because being with the person will make you remind of some stuff that could have and have not been. It would be hard to make these new-ex friendship work really.

This may also happen to persons who have just had a crash and burn during their first couple of dates. When one party thinks you are getting lame, he or she may only say, its best we stay as friends. Yeah right!

How can both of you be friends if you are not able to go out, talk or have fun most of the time. A friend is a person you develop your trust through time. What happens during that time is that you only became acquaintances and not friends.

So it’s pretty stupid too make the other party be on the expecting end. It might happen on some rare occasions. But it would need a whole lot of work, where you would need to remove the emotional baggage. It might also work if you get some Hollywood magic.

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