Break-Ups And Doubts

Shall I break-up? Am I right? Or my thinking is wrong somewhere? What if I hurt my partner with the break-up? What if I cannot live normally after break-up? Shall I recover from it? Should I break-up?  I am having doubts about the reasons. I am doubtful about the consequences. I am confused. What shall I do?

After life reaches a stage where living together becomes very painful, one begins thinking of break-up. But the doubts can be overwhelming sometimes. They can mar the judgment. They confuse the thinking. This makes life further trouble some. What is the way out? 

The first step should be giving your mind little rest. A tense mind tends to lose the way. Relax and let go of these thoughts for few days. Involve yourself in other activities. Relaxing your mind will give you some peace and help you think well. After you begin feeling peaceful, begin writing down your reasons for breaking up. Don’t miss anything. Write down all the reasons clearly and write explanations wherever needed. This will give you further insight into why you want to break-up.

Pluses and Minuses - write down both pluses and minuses of the break-up. Read them carefully and weigh them. If necessary, consult a close friend. After you become sure that you must break-up and that will be in your interest and in the interest of your partner, go ahead.

4 Questions to Ask Before You Say "I Do"

"How do you know when you've met the right one?”

Almost everyone asks this question at some point in their lives; unfortunately, there are not too many who get a concrete answer.  But if you're reading this article, then you're one of the lucky few. 

Interestingly, the criteria for choosing a spouse can be reduced to just four key characteristics.  If you can find somebody with all four then it's highly likely that you've found your life partner.

1) What is This Person's Core Values?

Before you decide to marry someone, make sure that they are fully committed to some kind of objective moral and ethical standard.  Whether we realize it or not, everyone has some kind of core value that is central to their personality.  And when push comes to shove, that value is going to be the most important thing in the world to that person.

For example: Jerry's core value is adventure.  When Jerry starts to date Diana, he happens to be volunteering at the local Emergency Room.  He goes there every night, holds people's hands, calms them down.  And Diana is thinking to herself that Jerry must have a heart of gold if this is how he's spending his spare time.  Now, Jerry might really have a heart of gold.  But he's volunteering because of his love for adventure.  The ER is filled with action, it's exciting.  So right now, Jerry's adventurousness happens to be expressing itself in a kind way.  But that could change.  Jerry might stop volunteering, and start trying other adventures that Diana may find unpleasant, dangerous, or even unethical.

However, if Jerry's core value is a commitment to goodness and caring, then everything he does will rotate around that, including his marriage.  And Diana will be a very lucky woman if she marries him. 

So how do you get to know the true Jerry?  Surprisingly, it's not that difficult.  No matter what a person's core value is, you will see him or her sacrificing for it on a daily basis.  If Jerry's core value is adventure, then he might risk an accident in order to speed through an intersection or arrive late at work because he followed a police chase.  If Diana follows him carefully, she'll see that he places adventure above other important things on his list of priorities.  But if Jerry's core value is goodness, then Diana will see him give up on certain things in order to be kind.  If the waiter mixes up his order, he'll say thank you and eat the dish anyway.  He'll let the other guy cross the intersection first, or he might be late to work because he drove a little old lady home with her groceries.  If Diana follows him carefully, then she'll see him let go of some of his own desires in order to take care of other people.  

So look for someone who is committed at the core to a higher set of values that you can appreciate.

2) Does This Person Treat Others Well?

Number two is obvious:  You want to marry someone who is going to take care of you and treat you well.  How to figure it out? Simple.  Spend time with this person, and pay attention to how they treat others whom they don't necessarily care about because they're not trying to charm them.  Do they thank the attendant who pumped gas for them?  Are they courteous to people at checkout counters? Do they curse out people who don't deliver on time, like telephone operators or overworked waitresses?  Do they tend to drive aggressively, as if there's no one else on the road?   

Ask yourself questions like these and take note of the answers - because they reflect characteristics that will come out down the line.  Most people don't guard themselves so carefully that they'll hide how they treat others.  So watch them, and you'll know how they're going to treat you after you're married.

3) Do We Communicate Well With Each Other?

In other words, make sure that you understand each other.  This may seem obvious, but it's not.  

Sometimes you can see a couple in a fight and they argue for an hour, two hours, maybe even overnight.  And then, at the end of round 16, it turns out that the whole thing was just a misunderstanding:  “Oh, I thought you meant that…That's not what you meant?  Oh, then we agree.”  

Although on an occasional basis this can happen to anyone, if it's happening constantly then it's not a good sign because that may not change.  If you're constantly misunderstanding each other, then you might want to put this relationship on hold for a while.

4) Are We Physically Attracted to Each Other?

Physical attraction is an essential part of marriage.  You cannot marry someone if you aren't physically attracted to them.  And while men arrive at this conclusion somewhat quickly, women should give themselves some more time.  Very often, a woman may not feel attracted to a man initially, but after she gets to know him she finds him much more attractive than before. 

A word of caution:  Although physical attraction is essential, you can't base a marriage on physicality.  Whatever is going on physically is meant to be an expression of something deep that is happening on the emotional and spiritual level.  The rule is - make sure that physical attraction is there, but don't get swept away by it.  The other three characteristics are just as important, if not more so.

So there you have it.  The next time you date someone, put what you've learned here into practice.  It'll save you a lot of time and heartache, and you might find yourself walking down the aisle faster than you think.

3 Things That Can Save You When You Don’t Know What To Say

You are dating a beautiful but a shy girl or one
that is not a talkie. You have already talked
about your hobbies, your families and your jobs
and nothing else come into your mind and she is
not really helping you (that’s what you believe).

One of the best ways of having a good, healthy
and wholesome chat with your girlfriend is to
start with small talk. The small talk will give
you a general picture about her likes and
dislikes, as well as what she would like to
discuss and what she would rather leave alone.
Once the small talk gives you a general idea, you
can go ahead and discuss your common likes and
dislikes.

But what is really freaking you are those moment
of silence. Uhh... horrible moments. :) The key
to avoid or get over these horrible moments are:

1. Compliment her

The fact is most people are shy about meeting new
people. I used to be enormously shy. But when you
think about it, shyness is merely a fear that
others won't like you, or that you may be
rejected in some way. It's natural for us to
desire acceptance. So try to make her know that
you like her by making a compliment. But find
something that you really find attractive about
her, about her lifestyle or her personality.  She
will become more confident and more open to share
her believes and her shyness won’t be a problem
for a fluid conversation.

2. Asking open questions

How you ask questions is very important in
establishing a basis for an effective
communication. Effective questions open the door
to knowledge and understanding. The art of
questioning lies in knowing which questions to
ask when.

My favorites questions are "why" and "how"
questions. You can use these frequently without
being annoying. She will feel that you are
interested in what she is telling you and will
develop her answers.

Therefore, you should think carefully before
speaking and taking up subjects that might be
repugnant to her.

3. Listen, listen, and listen.

Usually when the woman starts talking about her
favorite subjects (feelings, family,
relationships, friends and her work) many men
lose interest or bring the conversation back to
themselves. This is one of the biggest mistake
men are doing all the time.

They also like to exchange jokes and anecdotes
and spend a fair amount of time playing one-up
and boasting. Stop doing that!!!

Allow HER to have HER points of view, while you
have yours. Men have felt like they have either
had to abandon their own beliefs in order to try
to get a woman, OR they had to fight with women
about what they believe in. Both approaches lead
to failure.

She is not there with you just to hear about your
hero "qualities", but to have a great time!

5 Tips To Make Your Fiancee Respect You

Respect is one of the basic human values. As it applies to people, is defined as an attitude of admiration or esteem for a person. This feeling is generally a result of a person's achievements. While all people deserve respect, not many of they receive this.

Everyone wants to be respected by others but not all of them get it. It’s important to first define who a respectable person is before giving respect to him.

First of all you have to keep in mind that in order to demand respect, you will have to treat others with equal amount of respect.

‘Respect’ is just a word, but what it means and what it distinguishes for us can make all the difference in how we observe ourselves and others — as well as how we relate to future possibilities and choices.

Many successful relationships have been built around different political or religious believes, but it all boils down to respect. They are based on the belief that both partners are equal, that the power and control in the relationship are equally share. In a relationship, respect means to listening each other, valuing each other's
opinions, and also understanding the other's emotions.


If you want to make you respectable by your girlfriend, here are some helpful tips which may use.

1. First of all it is very important to have self respect.  Treat yourself with respect. If she sees that you don't have any respect for yourself she might consider that she doesn't have to show you either, because it is not important to you at all.

2. What you give is what you take. Show respect if you want to be respectable. Everyone wants to be admired and appreciated. If you show your girlfriend that she is important to you, you'll be easily in their good graces. Be attentive, give compliments, and make her feel comfortable with you and content. Simply admire the person you are with and listen carefully when she talks. So, she'll love to spend time with you.

3. Relax. Women think men are mediocre because they have a boring personality. So, when you have a date with her relax and have fun so she will feel great with you, because if she finds you boring you may get dumped. If you make her feel good she will respect you for the funny guy you are, being the person who can make her smile even when she is very sad.

4. Don't lie. We all now that women don't like to be lied to. If she had caught you with a lie she will definitely not have any more respect for you.  But, if she sees that you are sincere to her all the time, she will be proud of you and will show more and more respect for you.

5. Be confident and polite. Look into her eyes when she talks to you and make her feel that you are a person who can trust in. Show her that she can talk with you about any subject or problem she has and can count on your help. Don't forget to be polite, this will bring a reciprocal respect.


When you are in a relationship you must be treated with respect, which means your girlfriend must act like this:

- lets you feel comfortable being yourself

- is able to admit when she is wrong

- is willing to compromise

- respects your opinions, feelings and friends

- tries to resolve conflicts by talking honesty

- accepts when you’re saying no at things you don't want to do

So, take a deep look at your relationship and watch out if your girlfriend is making all this things for you and if not you should try this tips to make her respect you.

Get free professional advice to help your marriage without therapy

5 Ways To Ensure You Will Have a Happy Life After Divorce

In fact, think about having a life after divorce while getting a divorce can be a sticking point for some people because they just aren't sure what their life will "look like" after divorce.

Here's 5 things to keep in mind so can have a life after divorce:

Life after divorce item 1: Think about your emotional stability...if you wanted the divorce or not, you must face it head on.
Divorce is tough and whether you're going through it or your are already past it, your emotional stability is of vital importance because you might tend to be somewhat touchy after going through an emotional ordeal. Keep in mind that your life after divorce can be great but you must admit that you will go through (or have gone through) a trying time in your life. Admitting this and facing your situation head on is important to your emotional stability and critical to you having a happy life after divorce.

Life after divorce item 2: Look at the bright side, having life after divorce could be a new start for you!
How may times in your life do you wish you could have just started over knowing what you know now? If you answered "many", don't worry, that's a common thought most of us have. Having a positive mental attitude about your new beginning will make a huge difference in how happy your life will be after divorce. Life after divorce can be fantastic and it can also be very tough if you don't remain positive about a what's in front of you. Look at the glass as being "half full" and realize that, in order to be happy after divorce, you must take advantage of the opportunity to get a fresh start!

Life after divorce item 3: Surround yourself with people you like in your free time.
Too often times people start new relationships with just about anyone because they are lonely while getting a divorce or after getting a divorce. Sparking a relationship, romantic or friendly, with anyone and everyone who will spend time with you can contribute to unhappiness in your life after divorce. Stop and think about the people that you spend time with and ask yourself, "Once my emotional turmoil has ended, would I really want to keep the relationship going with this person?". Life after divorce is tough...so, when you're deciding about divorce, going through one, or already have been through a divorce, make sure that you carefully choose who to spend your free time with or you may fall into more negativity in your life after divorce.

Life after divorce item 4: Make it a point to spend time doing things that you like to do every week.
Make sure that you spend time enjoying your life after divorce - don't forget to 'stop and smell the roses'. Some people vent, work, go into hiding, or just plain go haywire after getting a divorce and their subsequent life after divorce isn't as healthy as possible. At least once a week, take the time to go and do something that you really enjoy doing...it will help you deal with your life after divorce in a more pleasing manner.

Life after divorce item 5: Set specific goals and implement a plan to achieve those goals.
Life after divorce is a tumultuous time, your life can seemingly be 'in the balance'. In order to make sure that you feel good about yourself and enjoy the feeling that accomplishment brings, think about a goal or set of goals that you've always had but never attained. Then, prioritize those goals and devise a plan to obtain them, one by one. Implement each plan and be happy (in fact celebrate) once you've reached your goal. Your life after divorce will be markedly better and healthier if you take this concept to heart and follow it.

Visualizing your life after divorce (and thinking about what your life might be like after divorce) is a sound and logical thing to do in order to be happy after divorce. Your life after divorce does not need to be a continuation of the pain you might have gone through or are currently going through.

Life after divorce can be extremely liberating if you act based on logic plus positive emotions rather than negativity. If divorce is eminent or you've already been through divorce, take the time to actually plan your life after divorce.

In fact, think about having a life after divorce while getting a divorce can be a sticking point for some people because they just aren't sure what their life will "look like" after divorce.

Here's 5 things to keep in mind so can have a life after divorce:

Life after divorce item 1: Think about your emotional stability...if you wanted the divorce or not, you must face it head on.
Divorce is tough and whether you're going through it or your are already past it, your emotional stability is of vital importance because you might tend to be somewhat touchy after going through an emotional ordeal. Keep in mind that your life after divorce can be great but you must admit that you will go through (or have gone through) a trying time in your life. Admitting this and facing your situation head on is important to your emotional stability and critical to you having a happy life after divorce.

Life after divorce item 2: Look at the bright side, having life after divorce could be a new start for you!
How may times in your life do you wish you could have just started over knowing what you know now? If you answered "many", don't worry, that's a common thought most of us have. Having a positive mental attitude about your new beginning will make a huge difference in how happy your life will be after divorce. Life after divorce can be fantastic and it can also be very tough if you don't remain positive about a what's in front of you. Look at the glass as being "half full" and realize that, in order to be happy after divorce, you must take advantage of the opportunity to get a fresh start!

Life after divorce item 3: Surround yourself with people you like in your free time.
Too often times people start new relationships with just about anyone because they are lonely while getting a divorce or after getting a divorce. Sparking a relationship, romantic or friendly, with anyone and everyone who will spend time with you can contribute to unhappiness in your life after divorce. Stop and think about the people that you spend time with and ask yourself, "Once my emotional turmoil has ended, would I really want to keep the relationship going with this person?". Life after divorce is tough...so, when you're deciding about divorce, going through one, or already have been through a divorce, make sure that you carefully choose who to spend your free time with or you may fall into more negativity in your life after divorce.

Life after divorce item 4: Make it a point to spend time doing things that you like to do every week.
Make sure that you spend time enjoying your life after divorce - don't forget to 'stop and smell the roses'. Some people vent, work, go into hiding, or just plain go haywire after getting a divorce and their subsequent life after divorce isn't as healthy as possible. At least once a week, take the time to go and do something that you really enjoy doing...it will help you deal with your life after divorce in a more pleasing manner.

Life after divorce item 5: Set specific goals and implement a plan to achieve those goals.
Life after divorce is a tumultuous time, your life can seemingly be 'in the balance'. In order to make sure that you feel good about yourself and enjoy the feeling that accomplishment brings, think about a goal or set of goals that you've always had but never attained. Then, prioritize those goals and devise a plan to obtain them, one by one. Implement each plan and be happy (in fact celebrate) once you've reached your goal. Your life after divorce will be markedly better and healthier if you take this concept to heart and follow it.

Visualizing your life after divorce (and thinking about what your life might be like after divorce) is a sound and logical thing to do in order to be happy after divorce. Your life after divorce does not need to be a continuation of the pain you might have gone through or are currently going through.

Life after divorce can be extremely liberating if you act based on logic plus positive emotions rather than negativity. If divorce is eminent or you've already been through divorce, take the time to actually plan your life after divorce.

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