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Monday, May 31, 2010

HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR WIVES

Falling In Love With Her HusbandWithout asking a woman to love her husband, she will only respond to her husband’s love. Since marriage in its essence is an emotional relationship between a male and a female, and this emotion is love, the responsibility for the success or failure of a marriage weighs far heavier upon the man, than it does upon the woman. This is the design of God and it cannot be changed. It is the attempt to reverse roles and responsibility in marriage that has led to frequent breakdowns in the institution of marriage.



The most successful marriages are those that give both partners the opportunity to exercise their identity and roles in their interrelationship. For this to work, there must be a head. The man is the head, and the woman must be submissive or obedient to that head.



Take another look at your spouse. Learn to understand each other within the basic structure, which you really are. Listen to know yourself so you can fulfil the role for which you were intended.



Do not confuse yourself with your spouse nor expect from your spouse what you are. Marriage is not a competition, rather,it is complementation.

When a Man Loves a Woman       Husband Birthday Greeting Card - Husband You Are My Forever Love   Husband Loves Wife Italian charm 







Friday, May 28, 2010

Is Someone You Are Dating Pushing You To Have Sexual Intercourse When You Don’t Want To?


How to Behave / Dating and Sex: A Guide to Modern Manners for the Socially ChallengedAlthough dating provides opportunities for emotional closeness and teaches young men and women how to be caring and attentive to each other, it does not routinely involve sex. Most times your date or partner may actually ask for sex. Initially it may be casual and occasional, it can become direct and frequent. At this point, the issue of sex and sexual discussions will come up almost always in your relationship. The issue can degenerate into causing arguments and fights between dating couples. At the worse scenario, it can lead to date rape.

This kind of situation can put a strain on the relationship and fights between two people that should be enjoying each others company. Many young women are coerced into having sexual intercourse by someone they are dating or have their safety seriously compromised by risk-taking partner anytime they are alone. These young women are especially vulnerable in a society where males assume authority over females.

If your date is pushing you to have sexual intercourse when you don’t want to, what should you do? Well, you could do any of the following:

            Sit down with your partner/ date and review your relationship. Talk about your not being ready to bring sex into the relationship. You also need to get a definite response and promise from him on not asking for sex repeated in the relationship. Until he gives such as promise, stop going out on dates with him.
            Anytime you are with him or you are set to go out on a date, do not dress to look sexy, instead, look attractive. Exposing parts of your body might bring on your partner or atleast, put ideas into his head. This might lead to his being unable to control himself. Wearing sexy dress might be sending wrong impressions- especially non-verbal messages.
            Avoid the use of alcohol because they increase your vulnerability to sexual abuse. If a dating partner uses drugs or alcohol, persuading him to stop will be good, or where things starts to get out of hand, get out of the relationship altogether.
            Perhaps the best thing to do is not spending a lot of time alone with your partner. Spending time alone might lead to touching and kissing for long periods of time. This ofcourse can only lead to what you don’t want- sex.
            A woman’s inability to communicate assertively may result in unwanted sexual intercourse. Be assertive, let your “no” be “no”. Making a game of saying yes or no to sexual intercourse is dangerous. Someone almost always get hurt.
            Get somebody older to talk to your partner about sex and the consequence of having sexual intercourse when both of you are not ready for such consequence.

Having sexual intercourse with your partner (especially when you don’t want it) is never a way to show or prove love to your partner. Don’t be deceived, the proof of love is not doing what you don’t want to do. Both of you share the responsibility for the quality of the relationship, you don’t have to prove anything, just like your partner does not have to prove anything.

Where applying the above advices does not lead to change in your partner, then, opt out of the relationship. Yes get out fast. If you remain in such a relationship, it might lead to date rape. Remember, rape is never your fault.  

Thursday, May 27, 2010

20 WAYS TO PROMOTE MARITAL COMMUNICATION

Communication: Key to Your Marriage: A Practical Guide to Creating a Happy, Fulfilling RelationshipCommunication is important to building a happy marital life and home. As such, great efforts must be made to ensure that both parties communicate freely in the home. To make communication easy and to avoid its breakdown, the following acts should be practiced.

  1. Playing together (Games, Occasional dance etc).
  2. Talking/chatting together.
  3. Praying together i.e pray for and with your spouse.
  4. Bathing together.
  5. Planning things together.
  6. Sleeping together ( body odour, snoring, sleeping position)
  7. Eating together.
  8. Celebrating special dates.
  9. Use a good sense of humour.
  10. Be sensitive. Respond to your spouse’s mood.
  11. Do it for your partner (The nail cutting, zipping the dress, removing the shoes, removing the jacket).
  12. Accommodate your spouse’s weakness.
  13. Speak out on all issues bothering you. Use the right words, good tone, good expression.
  14. Give unexpected phone calls/ cards / notes/ gifts/ text messages.
  15. Know and use your spouse’s pet-name. Be fond of your spouse.
  16. Be sincere always. When you agree or disagree, let it be. No pretence!
  17. Show interest in your spouse undertakings.
  18. Go out together.
  19.  Appreciate yourselves.
  20. Periodic exchange of gifts and cards.Why Can't You Read My Mind? Overcoming the 9 Toxic Thought Patterns that Get in the Way of a Loving Relationship 
  21.  

Friday, May 21, 2010

SHARING AND SERVING IN MARRIAGE


Have you ever been alone as you gazed in amazement at a spectacular sunset, and wished that a loved one was there to share it with you? Or, such other spectacular sight or sound.

Sharing of thoughts and feelings bring two people together, and helps love to take root and grow. Marriage is sharing. Perhaps there is an affectionate glance across the room, a touch, a soft word, even sitting peacefully together without speaking. Every act can manifest love: helping with the other’s work when he /she is behind. Love mean sharing the work and play, the troubles and the joys, the accomplishments and the failures, the thoughts of the mind and the feelings of the heart. Share common goals, and reaching them together. This is what makes two people one; this is what makes love grow.

Serving your mate can help your love for him/her to mature. A wife commonly serves by cooking meals, making beds, cleaning the house, washing clothes, caring for household business. The husband usually serves by providing the food she cooks, the beds she makes, the house she cleans, and the clothes she washes. It is this serving, that brings happiness and nourishes love.

When we serve, we feel needed, we are filling a purpose, and this gives us self-respect and makes us content. Marriage gives both husband and wife ample opportunity to serve and to find such commitment, thus cementing their marriage more strongly in love. This will prevent the need for social work marriage family counselors in the future.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Marriage- A lifetime Commitment

Marriage and Family: The Quest for Intimacy (7th Edition)Marriage is a legal and social commitment that two people make to share their lives and family responsibilities. It is a legal union between a man and a woman. There are different societal values about marriage; it is believed to be for procreation, love, companionship, security, status, religious obligations, economic considerations and conforming to social standards.



The following are suggested questions you may want to ask yourself before entering into such a lifetime commitment. Knowing the answers and discussing these with your partner, may improve the chances that your relationship will be solid and lasting.



1.      Study yourself

·         What are your needs?

·         Do you have a need to love and, more importantly, to give love?

·         Do you have need for security, recognition, response, and new experiences?

·         Are you dependent on someone else for emotional support?

·         Can you accept some sense of insecurity in other people? If so,  how much?

·         Do you need a parent figure as your mate, someone who can tell you what to do?

2.      Study your motives

·         Why do you want to get married?

·         Will this particular marriage be a solution?

·         Will the marriage increase your problems?



3.      Study the person

·         Listen carefully for the real meanings of what he/she says.

·         Observe the way he/she behaves.

·         Could you live with him/her?

·         How well do other people like him/her?

·         Does he/she get along with other people?

·         What do your friends think of him/her?

·         What are his/her parents like?



4          Study the effects of the relationship

·         How able is she/he to meet your needs in the long run?

·         How able are you to meet his/her needs?

·         Does he/she even now, really provide what you want?

·         Is he/she able to communicate with you?



5          Are you at peace with yourself?

·         Do you have the ability to be yourself?

·         Are you entering the union without second thoughts?






Tuesday, May 18, 2010

When Problem In Other Areas In The Home Lead To Marital Problem.


How to Save Your Marriage AloneIt is often common for couples to blame one another for the problems they are having in their home. One of the spouses may fail to understand the needs of the other spouse, thereby leading to dire consequences in the home. At other time, one partner may be selfish such that the partner only thinks of himself or herself. Such selfish interest can only led to problems in the home.
At the beginning, couples may enjoy each other’s company. They may start out deeply in love with each other, staying up all night talking, surprising each other with thoughtful gifts, and speaking to each other in code words. You know the feeling of really being connected with each other?

But then something might happen that destroys this feeling (i.e. being connected), it most will destroy most marriages. Something so tragic.  Tragic events, like the loss of a child, loss of source of income. Think about it. It could be anything that is really not the fault of your spouse, but tragic. These things can lead to couples losing each other. At other time, you might not easily place your finger on it, but something is definitely not right.

When such situation occurs, couples can’t blame each other because what happened was an “Act of God”. So, Instead of talking all night, it will be a chore to talk for a few minutes. Instead of using the usual code words, they probably will use curse words. Their relationship will consist of screaming matches and silent treatments.
But somewhere deep in their hearts though, they wouldn't want to lose each other. But once they lose each other, it will become very difficult for them to reconnect with each other again. No matter the type of solution they may seek, it might not work (conflict resolution, reading books, counseling). Even sitting down to talk about things (that is, trying to convince each other that what happened was nobody’s fault).

So, what is the way out of this type of problem? The key is NOT to fix what's wrong. You cannot. The key is to make new things right. And there are, in fact, specific things you can
do, with or without your spouse, to make things right in your marriage. PUT ASIDE YOUR PROBLEM. You must learn how to temporarily put aside the problems and issues that are weighing you down and making it impossible for you to establish a new momentum in your marriage.

Decide to SET ASIDE YOUR PROBLEMS. Don’t talk about them, yeah not at all. Don't bring them up even once. Instead, put your energy into trying to connect.  Start by establishing new relationship habits that will bring positive energy into your relationship. This will not only help to resolve your differences, but also make you to fall in love again! And it can be done by not dealing with your problems (as serious as they were), but by establishing new relationship habits. In fact, the solution to most marital problems or situations is for couples to step away from their problems and spend their time and energy on new things.
But before you deal with your problems, you first have to build good will with your spouse. And this is doable even in the most difficult marital situations. If your marriage is stressed, do
NOT tackle your problems. Stop talking about the problem, the attention you're not getting, or whatever. If your timing is off, trying to solve your problems will damage your marriage and make it LESS LIKELY that you'll ever find resolution.

So, couples out there, it is not all the problems in marriages that are due to a fault of your spouse. Some are actually an “Act Of God”. And don’t even waste your efforts blaming yourself or somebody else for them. These problems outside the home can cause serious problems in your marriage.
Chapter 14 - Your Subconscious Mind and Marital Problems 

Monday, May 17, 2010

Marital Problems? Mind Your Use Of Words

Isn't it amazing how a few words can change everything?
"I want a divorce."
"You're just like my first wife."
"I'm done."
"You're just like your mother."
"I hate you."
"You're fat."
"You're a loser."
"You can't do anything right."

What have you said that's been hurtful? What has your spouse said to you that broke your heart or poisoned your relationship? In frustration or rage, people say the dumbest things and use the most obscene language.

Even if you or your spouse didn't mean to say it, once it's said, the damage is done.
It's like tearing open a down-pillow in a wind storm. You desperately want to get the feathers
back, but they're blowing in every direction. Like feathers of a pillow, hurtful words are
irretrievable. That's why it's so important for spouses to learn to control themselves and watch what they say.

You see, there's actually a MARITAL reason you have 2 ears and only 1 mouth. It's because you're supposed to LISTEN twice as much as you talk. Imagine how different your marriage would be if you and your spouse did that.

Yes, you might say, “I was just being HONEST.”
People think they can say anything in the name of honesty. But, when you hurt someone
with your words, it's not honest; it's stupid. And it's insensitive. Truth (in relationships) is not just a statement that's factually accurate. It's a statement expressed with the utmost concern for another person's feelings. That's more than honest; it's Truth with a capital "T." I'd love to teach you more about truth, honesty, and how to protect your marriage from destructive dialogue.

- How to express your feelings in a healthy way.
- How to know what you mean and mean what you
say.
- How to say what's on your mind without
destroying your marriage.
- What does it really mean to be honest with your
spouse?
- How to control destructive impulses and
calculate your words.
- How to listen so your spouse will talk.
- How to talk so your spouse will listen.
- How to heal from past hurts and mistaken comments.

Guess I will be writing about these things in my subsequent articles. See you.




Wednesday, May 12, 2010

HAS YOUR SEX LIFE GONE STALE?

In an online sex survey I recently read, I was astonished to see that, 98% of the people in the relationships admitted that they are not happy with their sex lives. Reason being that, sex-lives have become too predictable. I quite agree with that fact. Most of us follow a predictable routine when it comes to sex lives.



Check out this scenario:  Time is 2300hrs, Day is Saturday night.

 You have just finished brushing your teeth, slipping into bed, you feel the telltale stroking of your thigh or breast. Of course, you need no one to tell you what comes next. There will be the reaching for your breasts, the tongue in your mouth, then, the inevitable perusing, thrusting, changing into about three positions, then oooh, it is all over.



It was good, hot and meaningful sex, wasn’t it? You came, he came. So, why the little dissatisfied niggles as you drift off to sleep?



If you have been having sex with the same partner for a few years, you tend to learn what you both like in bed and will repeat techniques that always seem to work for both of you.



The problem is, even if doggy-style was once your favourite position, it’s going to lose its magic after sometime. Imagine, if you know the whole procedures of having sex with your partner, then, you know what is coming (you are able to predict or even, play the whole process in your mind, right from the time your partner touches your thigh) and, there is no excitement, no element of surprise and there will be none of the adrenalin rush associated with having a great sex.



The consequence of this is that, where sex life becomes too predictable, it will lead to loss of passion between partners. Since marriage is all about being passionate about your partner, stale sex life might be the start of a troubled marriage.



Partners might seek exciting and unpredictable sex life outside their marriage, and this will cause tension at home. This fact becomes clear when a partner gives all sorts of excuses for not wanting to have sex with his/her partner as at when the partner seeks such sex.



Stale sex life will cause tension in the home, sexual rejection, abandonment and eventually, loneliness. But all the while, your partner will be having an unabated and very exciting sex outside. 



In the online survey that I mentioned earlier, people in relationships actually complained that, their love lives had lost its sparkle. It is my believe, that, there is a sure-fire way to get back that dead and unexciting sex life. It might just be that, we all need to be coaxed outside our bored, straight jacketed sexual life. We need to improve upon the kind and manner of sex we are already having and take it a step further. Add creativity into it. Explore new territories, to add spontaneity into your sex life. You will be saving your marriage from collapsing and at the same time, have a fulfilling, interesting and exciting sexual relationship with your partner.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

APPRAISE THE LOVE IN YOUR MARRIAGE

Periodically, it is necessary to attempt appraisal of one’s marriage. Such appraisal helps to know the status of the marriage, grey areas that need adjusting and good areas that need to be built on.

Since the decision to get married is based upon love for your spouse, love then becomes the pivot on which marriage hangs. Hence, an appraisal of Love in marriage will allow couples to know the direction of their marriage.

The appraisal is based on what couples do that kill Love in their marriages. Couples should appraise each other honestly and independently.


Scoring. Mostly 3 Sometimes 2 Rarely 1

Good Luck

1. Sexual denial
2. Dressing shabbily
3. Dirtiness
4. Extravagance
5. Nagging
6. Olympic Habit (competing with spouse)
7. Care free
8. Bad habits
9. Poor cooking
10. Undue attention to the children thereby neglecting spouse
11. Bad communication
12. Stubbornness
13. Infidelity
14. Partying
15. Stinginess
16. Autocratic
17. Bad association
18. Marital rape
19. Untruthfulness
20. Laziness
21. Selfishness
22. Difficult disposition
23. Failure to improve behaviour
24. Battering
25. Night crawling, drunkenness


Score Interpretation : 25- 40 Very good. There is love in your marriage and you have no problem with your spouse. However, you need to make sure that the love stays for good. No matter what it will cost. Enjoy your marriage. You need to read the article: How To Preserve Love In Marriage.

41- 60 Average. There is love in the marriage, but your spouse is not paying attention to things that makes love grow in a marriage. You are an average family. There is no problem with your marriage. There is need for change of attitude by your spouse. Your spouse needs to focus on those grey areas. Put more effort to make the love in your marriage grow by improving upon the areas with high marks. It is worth it.

Above 60 Not Good. Both of you are just hanging on to the past. Love has fizzle out of your marriage. There is no essence in a love that is not reciprocated, it kills the heart. Something drastic needs to be done. However, for the fact that both of you took the appraisal, there is hope. All is not lost. Look at the appraisal again and again until you can remember all the items very well. Now, make a commitment to improve on them.

Monday, May 10, 2010

16 Steps To Building Blocks Of inheritance For Your Children



You shouldn’t confuse wealth with prosperity. Wealth is abundance of properties and money. Prosperity is no lack i.e wealth, health, peace, protection, grace etc. Therefore, wealth is much less than prosperity. Prosperity, therefore involve the fruit of the spirit. You cannot price prosperity. The box-chest of prosperity includes victory, good health, preservation and protection, meeting and seizing good opportunities, and reward.

The building blocks can be summarised in 16 steps below:

1                    Paying to God at least 10% of all your monthly income including material gifts.
2                    Paying to yourself at least 10% of all your income every month and save this in a dedicated account.
3                    Open savings account for all your family members, and save at least 10% of your monthly income proportionately as would be determined by you and your spouse.
4                    Cultivate the attitude of putting aside at least 10% into an emergency account to take care of other extended family members’ request on monthly basis.
5                    Use the remaining 60% of your monthly income to provide the good things of life for the members of your family.
6                    Understand the difference between assets and liabilities, and decide to increase assets, and reduce the acquisition of liabilities.
7                    Pay up all your debts on monthly basis, or buy only what the 60% of your income can accommodate. If it is not enough, go and do more work to earn more.
8                    Never spend more than your income. It will put you into debt. Do more work or reduce your expenditure.
9                    Seek knowledge on how to manage finances by reading books and engaging the services of experts who understand the language of money.
10                You must stop impressing people with materials things. The main reason for impoverishment amongst people today is ostentatious living.
11                Open fixed deposit account, and let your money work for you and make more money. Invest in Treasury bills, but listen to expert advice.
12                Buy shares/stocks in viable and blue chips companies. Your money manager and stock broker will advice you on the right stock/company to invest in. This is a good inheritance for your family.
13                Invest in Real Estate business. Buy old homes in good location with excellent advice from Estate/Property Agencies. Your net worth will increase will increase with time.
14                Set up a business, or become an entrepreneur. Employ people with education, let them use their brain and time to make more money for you. This is the apex of building wealth and prosperity. There will always be a need or service to render in your community, area or neighbourhood.
15                Get a family lawyer to write your WILL once you discover that your asset level is increasing. Your lawyer will give the legal advice as to how to proceed.
16                Prepare not to leave liabilities to your wife and family now. Let your children have the best education you can afford. Give them all the best of life you can afford, but never be prodigal.   


  

Sunday, May 9, 2010

The Different Faces Of Love

The Faces of Love ~ The Songs of Jake Heggie / Fleming, McNair, Larmore, von Stade, Forand, Cao, Clayton, Vaness, Asawa

Love Has a Face: Mascara, a Machete and One Woman's Miraculous Journey with Jesus in Sudan

Love means having deep and warm feelings about oneself and others. Love involves happiness and responsibilities. There are different faces of Love. These are:
Self-love: This is the kind of love that involves accepting oneself, believing in and knowing oneself. We must love ourselves before we can love others or expect others to love us. Of course, this type of love does not mean selfishness.
Friendship Love: This type of love exists between friends who like one another, show commitment to one another, and share deep and intimate feelings with one another. Friendship love requires sharing, caring, closeness, intimacy and communication.
Comfortable Love: This kind of love has to do with the relationship that exists between parents and their children. A strong level of commitment, loyalty and dependability characterizes parents’ love for their children. This type of love also involves caring, showing concern and being available.
Romantic Love: Intimacy and passion characterize romantic love. Passion refers to the drive that leads to romance, physical attraction and sexual interaction. It involves total absorption with strong feelings of elation, sexual desire and arousal. Most people first experience romantic love during adolescence or early adulthood, it often occurs early in a relationship. People involved in romantic love usually overlook faults, avoid conflicts and ignore logic.
Infatuation: This type of relationship places premium on physical characteristics. Emphasis is usually on the concept of love at first sight. It tends to start quickly. Emotions and feelings fluctuate in this kind of relationship. The relationship may equally end quickly due to frequent quarrels and arguments. Friends and people around usually disapprove of this type of relationship. Absence of one partner or distance between the two partners usually means the end of the relationship. If someone mistakes infatuation for love and expects it to last forever it can hurt a great deal when the good feelings fade. Infatuation is a disorganizing and destructive effect on the personality.
Complete Love: This type of love takes time to develop. It is difficult to achieve this kind of relationship because much effort is required to sustain the relationship. This type of love requires commitment, intimacy and passion.
For many, young and old alike, what passes for ‘love’ has created predicaments which challenge values and common sense. This is especially true when sex and romance are involved. Sexual passion and romantic attraction are often mistaken as love. Engaging in a sexual relationship is not the only means of showing or expressing love. There is the need to be able to identify and recognize positive loving feelings of complete and unconditional love in order to make responsible decisions about ways of expressing these feelings without necessarily having sexual involvement.